ENGLISH VERSION Together it's not always perfect apart it's never it
by babou340
Summary: (Calzona )Arizona is leaving Seattle to join New York and hence Callie for Sofia's sake. Will she be able to deal with all the emotions that run through her? And where is Callie with her life?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion.**

_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good_

**Chapter 1: The Journey**

During the six-hours flight from Seattle to New York, Sofia was very excited, she kept frantically, telling to her mother, how her friends were FOR MI DA BLES! She is certain that she was going to A DO RE them!

_\- Mom, we're going to invite them, okay? We could throw a party or a sleepover!_

_\- Slowly, slowly miss, let me settle down, before launching the invitations_

_\- Are you going to come and see me at my dance class? _

_\- Of course, I will be there as soon as your next class. I promise._

\- _It's gonna be great! Mama __always__came to_ see_ me, you can both come!_

Arizona addresses her, a smile that satisfies the child, whose interest is immediately focused on her drawing book and her color pencils.

She hadn't seen Sofia so cheerful for months. How did She and Callie, had they thought for a second, that could their daughter be happy with this mode of custody? Deprive her of one of her parents ten months a year and ask her every 10 months of adapting to a new school, new friends etc. ... the poor child could not tolerate that not even half a year Really, they had to be blinded by their own story, to imagine that it was going to work. For Arizona one thing was clear now, this, will never happen again. Sofia should be the highest priority, and she welcomed herself, to have made the decision to move to New York for her.

Of course, she was leaving her life, a job she adored, her friends, her hospital, all that had been her only landmarks during these last few months, and certainly all of this would be missed. However, Sofia's joy confirms her, that it was the right decision. It's obvious, she is convinced, it was the right thing to do! She would give everything for her child, that's how moms do.

However, she is tormented by conflicting feelings. To the delight of seeing her daughter finally with a smile on her face and her own happyness to see Callie again, comes to mingle a feeling of anguish, of unease. The breakup had been extremely painful. Arizona felt abandoned, lost and she had been in a lot of pain, but the trial for Sofia's custody was much worse and had left indelibles marks.

Moreover, even though the two mothers have spoken much more in recent weeks to arrange Arizona's move, since Callie's departure, they have been in contact very little, and had not seen each other for months, she thought, that it is therefore legitimate to panic a little.

After the crash Callie had become her anchor, her support, and even though this situation did not suit her, she had not known manage differently this cataclysm that changed her life. Their relationship had become unbalanced. Callie was always present for her, she had carried her at arm's length for many months, she had given her evidence of a sincere attachment, whereas, for her part, she was focused only on her person. She hated this addiction, had made her pay in a way awful, blaming her for everything, even blaming her for having two legs... She had been somehow absent for her wife, all this time. She had ceased to be a good man in the storm... oh the storm, Lauren, her mistake, this memory torture her again.

The road to reconstruction had been long and arduous, and when she finally saw the end of the tunnel, Callie had run out of breath, she had given up, she couldn't take it anymore, she didn't want any more.

Arizona could not blame her, Callie had so supported, she had tried so hard, but she had never been able to forget that she had been unfaithful to her.

They had terribly suffered both and even though she could understand today what Callie had felt, even though she stood felt responsible for all this mess, even today the memory of the pain was still perennial.

During the first months of their separation, even if it had been painful, she was waiting, hoping that Callie would return to her, she thought that they needed time but that they would eventually find each other, their love would be enough to go through this new ordeal.

However, Callie had fallen in love with Pennie and it had been awful. Arizona takes a deep breath in this memory.

She had done the right thing, she had been understanding, smiling, she had even pretended to rejoice. She loved Callie, she wanted her to be happy, though, she would have given the last week of her life for it to be with her. She had made it, easier for her, she owed her that. It had taken her months, to finally find the strength to survive this failure, for Sofia. Sofia, her baby, she was her sun in the midst of the storms, the best decision of her life, the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to her.

In the private sphere, she had recently tried to get involved in new relationships. Oh nothing comparable to his great love, this one, she had put it in a corner of her head, to think about it as little as possible so that he would no longer prevent her from living.

Apart from marijuana cookies, nothing could dislodge it. Apart, perhaps, from Amelia Shepperd the great neuro surgeon, no one could know where it was hidden in his brain. She herself did not really know, where she was, on that ground, and to tell the truth, she avoided thinking about it.

Nevertheless, these numerous conquests of love and his exceptional professional success, had allowed her to regain the confidence and self-esteem, which she had lost at the same time as her leg, the baby, the love of her life and her family...

An elbow from Sofia, abruptly breaks the train of her thoughts to project her into the reality of the moment: A new place, a new adventure, a new life begin for Arizona Robbins

_Mommy, we're coming! I'm sure Mama is already _downstairs, Sofia is screaming with bright eyes of happiness

Indeed, the captain announces the landing on J.F.K. airport in five minutes

As her stomach tightens, Arizona concludes her ramblings with an inner speech:

_\- The important thing is not to lose sight of the way. I settle here for Sofia's happiness. Taking the slightest risk to make her live a new heartbreak, another separation is unthinkable, she has already lived enough for her age. So, at best Callie can only be a friend. It's THE TRACK TO STAY ON._

She mentally repeats this sentence as if it were essential for her to convince herself of it.

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Chapter 2 JFK AIRPORT

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion. **_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good._

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Thanks for the reviews, the followers.I will try to publish chapter a day, to catch up with the french version, but translating is so long and so hard. Any way ,I'm gonna try

Guess : I get what you're saying but I think it's never, all black or all white. What I find interesting is to analyze the psychology of each of them and if they can overcome all of that. We are human not perfect !

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**Chapter 2: J.F.K. Airport N.Y**

Callie came in the airport lounge more than an hour early, she would not have taken the risk of being stuck in traffic jams, and being late, then she left particularly early. She's so looking forward to seeing her daughter again. She terribly missed her and she wants an ideal reunion.

Basically, she is convinced that with the child it will be perfect. She is more anxious at the prospect of seeing Arizona again, she wonders in what state of mind she will find her. It looks her it will be legitimate that her ex-wife has kept at least some grudges. She had first ended their marriage, brutally, while in their therapist's office, her wife had just sent her the most beautiful confession of love that did not had never been made her. In reaction, she told her that she was suffocating by her side and that she felt like she was dying slowly. Then she got up and left the room without even looking back.

She remembered very precisely the violence of that moment, Arizona's vision, stoically, holding back tears, trying to take the hit with that dignity that characterizes her, it still resonated in her as immense pain. It was as if a voice breathed, that it had to be done, because sometimes love is not enough. My God she loved so much, this woman.

Then she met Pennie. Arizona had taken things well, Callie really felt that she was totally detached from their history, she had recovered perfectly from their breakup. From what was whispering in the hospital, she was accumulating conquests. She had returned to her old bachelor habits. Apparently many women were passing through the fetal surgeon's arm.

So it had to work with Pennie, she had to move on and get going with things, even if the price to pay, was to hide the seven last years of her life, her family, her greatest love story.

Callie had always been hyper protective with Arizona, even separated she always cared about her, she worried about her. Yet she took her to court for Sofia's custody. She let her lawyer use humiliating arguments, smearing her daughter's mother, the woman who had shared her life, the one she had loved so much. She felt shabby, she hated herself for it and she honestly thought Arizona had every reason to hate her too.

She thought of all these moments, when she heard a small voice that she could have recognized among a crowd of a thousand people

_\- Mama! Mama!_

The little girl jumps into her arms plunging her head into her neck, she squeezes her, very hard as if to catch up with all the hugs that had missed her so much. Callie is in heaven a huge smile runs through her face.

Arizona had let their daughter going when she dropped her hand to run to Callie. She slows down in order to let space to mother and daughter, that moment belonged to them. She observes the scene from a distance, touched to see so much happiness in the black eyes of the two most important person in her life. New York was the right decision, it certainly wasn't going to be, so easy that she envisioned, but it was the right decision.

Callie having noticed the hesitation and perhaps even some discomfort of Arizona, approaches her ex-wife, an embarrassed smile on the face, visibly also plagued by a strong emotion. She tries to put on the floor the child who does' nt loosen her embrace, giving another kiss on her cheek, she asks her

_\- Let me say hello to Mommy, honey_

Sofia reluctantly lets her mother going, and declares

_\- You really, really missed me Mama_

_\- Me too my chip I missed you a lot_

Callie responds while stroking the child's head and leaning towards Arizona to kiss her amicably. She whispers _s_hyly_: _

_\- And you too_

Arizona hardly conceals the trouble that these words give her, she sketches a slight smile. She normally masters the art to conceal, hide, lock what she feels. Arizona Robbins is not a person who indulges easily, but there, facing her, stands Callie Torres the woman who has always read in her, as in an open book. Taking a deep breath as she ponders.

_" No it's really not going to be simple, but I have to STAY THE TRACK ON "!_

With the luggage picked up to reach the car, Sofia settles between her two moms and gives them each one hand. Right this minute, she seems the happiest child on this earth.

The joy that emanates from the little girl, doesn't escape the two mothers who at the same time laid their eyes on their daughter. They exchange a tender smile, their thoughts bringing them back to this ordinary gesture, so many times shared,when they were still a family.

Arizona abruptly interrupts this moment, declaring with exaggerated excitement.

_\- Do you drop me off at my hotel first? Did you take care of my reservation? Is this a long way from your home?_

_\- So um ... No, no and no_

She frowns the questioning look, the brunette explains herself with this mischievous and crunchy look that Arizona knows so well. She looks like a child about to confess something she doubts she was right to do

_\- No I don't drop you off at your hotel, no I didn't take care of the reservation and no it's really not far from my home._

Arizona perplexed, still questioning her with the eye

_\- It's not far from my house because it's my home and there's no way you're going to the hotel while I have a guest room, which as the name suggests is designed to accommodate friends. It's ready for you._

_\- Callie it's very nice but I ... I don't think it's a good idea, that... It's a little weird, isn't it?_

_\- But not at all! It's a great idea on the contrary, like almost all my ideas for that matter! Finally this is the best I've had in a long time._

Sofia raises the price

_"Oh yes! Mommy please stay, it's going to be great! Say yes, please say yes!_

Arizona not wanting to spoil the reunion and her daughter's happiness answers to the child

_\- Okay, okay I give up. Just until I find an apartment then!_

Sofia savouring her victory lets blow up a : _Yes!_ the gesture accompanying the word.

Callie gets closer to Arizona and mocking air blows her in a low voice

_\- I see that nothing has changed, you still can't refuse her anything _punctuating the sentence with a wink

_\- Actually, I can see, you haven't changed either_

Arizona answers with a fake smile, to Callie's eternal reproach for always being the "good cop parent"

Finding the dialogues on the ping-pong game mode that she used to exchange with her ex-wife when they had a disagreement, Callie takes the observation with humor.

_\- Oh thank you! Really I haven't aged a bit?_

Both burst out laughing, they look at each other sharing the same feeling, as if time had stopped, that they were a few years earlier, in the carefree ness of their relationship, before the hell in which the crash had thrown them.

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**Thanks for reading**


	3. Chapter 3 first night

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion.**

_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good_

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**Chapter 3 The First Night**

Arriving at the apartment, Sofia turns into a guide to introduce her mother to the place. This one, stops in the entrance in front of the photo taken on the day when Callie and Sofia returned home, after their long months of recovery. The cheerful faces of Marc, Arizona and Callie with Sofia in her arms, testify to the happy days. Sofia doesn't fail to point out that it was identical to Arizona's home in Seattle, and Callie smiles at this coincidence. When they lived together, before the tragedy, they often had the same thoughts at the same time, as if they had only one brain for two. Arizona and Callie remembered their live at that time, it was perfect happiness, idyllic and then... Sofia interrupts the mother's daydreams, pulling on the Arizona's arm

_\- Mommy, come and see my room_

She follows the child who holds her hand and enters the bedroom. She discovers the exact replica of the room they set up together for their daughter, in their home in Seattle, which was supposed to be "the new start" home. On the walls are hung many pictures of the two mothers with Sofia, Marc and Sofia, on the child's nightstand, next to the bed, an Arizona's portrait is posed. Arizona touched by Callie's thoughtfulness to have wished to maintain the memory of their family for Sofia. She can' t suppress the hope that Callie might have needed memories too.

_\- Wow that's beautiful, but it's me in this picture. I do not remember it!_

_\- Mama gave it to me. I liked looking at it when I was asleep, but now you're here,_ _I won't need it anymore._

The words stuck in her tight throat, she can only nod her head to respond positively to her daughter. Yes, she had really made the right decision because Sofia had really suffered from the separation and as for her, she was determined not to miss a minute of her daughter's life, nothing was more important to her.

The meal takes place in a relaxed atmosphere, Sofia overexcited, monopolizes the conversation which is not to displease the two adults still a bit embarrassed by the situation.

Arizona noted that Callie had prepared an excellent chicken piccata, her specialty and Arizona's favorite dish, she refrained from pointing it out to avoid bringing back a whole bunch of memories that could be awkward.

At the end of the meal, the two women start tidying up the kitchen, naturally as if it were an old routine that had never stopped.

_\- Sofia baby it's time to go to bed now! You won't be able to stand up tomorrow._

Sofia's not answering. Callie rehearses louder as Arizona moves closer to the couch. The child fell asleep in front of the cartoon that she had just installed for her.

_\- Poor baby, she is worn out, she had an exhausting day, and she did not want to sleep during the trip, she wanted to hold my hand all the way, in case I got scared._

_\- It's so cute! Wait, I'm going to carry her to the bedroom without waking her up. Can you please go get the blankets out her bed._

Arizona has always been impressed by Callie's thoughtfulness and kindness. In a few hours she already realized that with her artificial limb she has more and more difficulty to carry Sofia become too big, but she makes sure not to draw attention. Although she is not fooled, she still finds it's adorable that Callie still cares about her ill being in relation to her disability. Yet now all these feelings are overcome. Arizona handle the amputation, she learned to live with it, there's not much she can't do. In any case, this leg will no longer prevent her from enjoying fully her life.

_\- So I go, follow me with her_

Callie gently puts the child in bed while Arizona placed on the opposite side, pulls up the blankets on her daughter and installs her blankie. They both bend over, to kiss the sleeping girl's forehead. This moment, brings back in each of them memories that they had to bury deep, to try to continue their lives separately, to turn the page and even to change the book. As Arizona gets up to leave the room, Sofia grabs her wrist and whispers half asleep.

_\- Mommy, thank you_

_\- Thank you? why sweetie?_

_\- Thank you for coming with me to New York, I'm so glad you're staying with me now._

Arizona moved to tears answers to her daughter who goes back to sleep

_\- Me too, me too sweetheart_

The two women come out of the room. Arizona's misty eyes cross Callie's weepy eyes, apparently as troubled as her ex-wife.

_\- I don't know where you got this crazy idea that you weren't meant to be a mother. You are the best mother I've ever met. Sofia is lucky to have you as a mother and I am lucky to have you as my daughter's mother. I'm not sure I'm really allowed to say that, but I'm glad you're here, Arizona._

For Arizona it was too much emotionally this evening resembles the roller coaster coupled with the scenic railway and Space Mountain, in the same time. In a few hours so many repressed memories, have risen to the surface. Higgledy-piggledy moments of happiness as well as worst moments of her life jostle in her mind. She cannot help thinking of what had been said in court, she shakes her head to drive away her negative thoughts and still manages to let out a shy

_\- Thank you_

Taking over, after a deep inspiration she declares:

_\- The day was rather hectic, I'm exhausted I'll go to bed too, I need a good night's sleep_

Arizona's reaction doesn't escape Callie, she already blames herself, for having pushed a little too far, a little too fast. She knows her flaw, this constant impatience. She always wants everything and right away, she is always in action-reaction mode. This, has often played tricks on her and she has sometimes paid the high price. She knows full well that Arizona needs time and space to manage emotions. As much when she is in an operating room, she is a machine, she makes decisions without hesitation, as much on the emotional level she's always fearful, indecisive, hesitant. Callie had sworn to stop falling into this trap and to respect this Arizona's character trait, which inevitably intensified with the terrible setbacks that life inflicted on her. But here from the first evening she failed_._ How could Arizona forget the fight for Sofia's custody? She had been so unfair, she was ashamed of what she had done and could not stand Arizona's look any longer. So it's angry with herself that while retiring precipitously in her room she throws

_\- Oh! of course, I understand very well, if you need anything don't hesitate._

She leaves Arizona standing in the middle of the corridor not knowing what to say except a sarcastic

_\- Uhh… have a good night too !_

But Callie's already disappeared into her room, hearing nothing of the irony of her daughter's mother.

**Thanks for reading**


	4. Chapter 4 Central Park

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion.**

_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good_

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**Chapter 4: Day 1 - Central Park**

The next morning the smell of pancakes awakens Arizona, she listens and guesses the whispers of Callie and Sofia in the kitchen. It resonates in her as a feeling of well-being, of experience that she had missed so much. She would have liked to close her eyes and find herself a few years earlier, without ever having experienced conflicts, betrayals, separations, the fighting for custody, let everything be easy, simple.

But unfortunately, this was not the way, she is quite sure that Callie still doesn't accept her mistakes and even if it doesn't feel (because she had to admit that she was being adorable and seemed to have changed, to be more appeased), Arizona was however convinced that all these resentments would one day come up.

Anyway, they had already tried and failed, and Callie had left her. Twice! She had met Penny introducing her to all their friends, like her great love, the one she had never known, the one that lasts a lifetime and all of that, had been horribly hurtful In reality, she avoided thinking about it, but if by chance this memory was imposed on her, she had to acknowledge that she was still injured. One of the reasons she fell madly in love with her ex-wife was her passionate temper, even sometimes carried away, but on a daily basis, however, it was sometimes difficult for Arizona to find her place.

No! as pleasant as all Callie's attentions may be, she was not to let down her guard and especially STAY ON TRACK.

Really, if she was being honest, throughout their history, Callie had been mostly awesome. However, the elements had raged ferociously against them, every time they tried and almost managed to get their heads out of the water, a new catastrophe fell on them and caused them to dive back again.

Everything is confused in the mind of Arizona: love but also resentment, tenderness but also anger, wanting to get out those ideas that gave her the blues she decides to stand up and join cookers.

\- _Wow__ you worked really well early in the morning_

_-Mom, we did this for you!_

The table was set, fruit juices, croissants, pancakes and coffee made up a gargantuan breakfast, they even prepared scrambled eggs with bacon there was nothing missing. Grabbing her mother's hand, Sofia directs her to a chair supposed to be her place, where a small vase contained a flower, on the plate a card was laid decorated with hearts and many, many glitters, it read:

"Welcome to New York Mom, I Love You"

Rubbing her finger under her nose, a mimic she borrowed from her mother when she is moved or embarrassed, the little girl watches the reaction. Arizona hugs her and kisses her tenderly, hugging her tightly.

_\- I am treated like a queen, I am so happy to have such a wonderful little girl, I love you so much!_

Callie on the other side of the room, observes the scene with an emotion that doesn't escape Arizona, she get closer to the Latina and kisses her on the cheek to say good morning to her, whispering a discreet

_\- Thank you_

_\- Oh but I 'm not there for anything, Sofia did it all!_

She winks at Arizona

_\- In that case, thank you for giving me, such a wonderful little girl, she is the greatest gift of my life._

Callie cannot hide her trouble, these words are heavy with meaning for both women and each of them knows the reason, her eyes filled with tears. Arizona puts a hand that is meant to be comforting on her arm and that simple contact that has always appeased her, allows her to consider that her ex-wife may not have as much resentment as she feared.

On the other hand, Arizona realizes at this moment that she never expressed this gratitude to Callie. The children's debate had been heated, Arizona didn't want it, but out of love for Callie, she ended up marrying her dream.

What she thought not be her dream had proved to be the greatest happiness of her life, yet from the first ultrasound she knew that this baby was hers and that she would give everything for her child.

However, by dint of unspoken, clumsiness, the last exchanges with Callie about this moment in their lives had led to yet another misunderstanding. Callie finally thought that when she got back from Africa, Arizona felt stuck with a girlfriend who got pregnant by her ex sex friend, while she was away.

Callie regaining her spirits and stopping the thoughts of the blonde announces

_\- Today I take matters into my own hands ladies, I took a few days off and I'm taking you out. Get ready for the coolest day of your life!_

\- _Wow!_ _Yay!_ _ Great! What's that? _ exclaiming the two guests hopping while holding hands

Delighted to hear again wows, yays and awesomes! invading her life, the Latina laughing

_\- I wonder if she is_ _ the kid of the two?_

Setting her hands around her mouth like a loudspeaker she screams

**_"Is there an adult besides me in this house?"_**

The three burst out of laughter, spontaneity, the naturalness didn't take long to settle down, it just sounds like an evidence.

This day will be dedicated to Central Park, there was something for all tastes and all ages. Sofia is delighted to climb the statue of Alice in Wonderland, to go see the sea lions, the penguins, it is the zoo of her favorite cartoon "Madagascar" her excitement is at its height. As both mothers revel in their child's joy, Arizona admits aloud

_\- Seeing her like this, is enough for my happiness_

Callie acquiesces and timidly with her eyes plunging to the ground, adds in a sigh

_\- I really screwed up when I decided to move, I... I'm so sorry._

It was the first time that this period of their history had been touched upon. Since Callie's departure to New York, their exchanges were cordial but limited to Sofia, they had never mentioned their personal life, past or present.

Arizona, although seized by Callie's regrets, doesn't want to risk herself on this pitch, she tries to avoid the subject.

_\- Callie is a thing of the past, now she has both of us and that's all that matters_

_\- Yes, but I wanted to tell you..._

Arizona interrupts her nicely, she really doesn't feel ready for this conversation

_-Please not_ _now Callie, I know that we may have to talk about it, put everything on the table, but not now._

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as if to live the moment to the fullest, she adds

_\- We're here, let's enjoy this moment and forget all about it, just a little bit okay? Aren't you okay?_

_\- Yes, yes but_

In a burst of laughter first because the Latin and hers mimics have always amused her, but also because she hopes to close the evocation of this part of their story that she chose to hide during all these months, she pushes Callie with her shoulder.

_\- So don't make your puppy dog eyes, you know , I can't resist your sad eyes_

_-Really? Here's an excellent information _mimicking the eyes of a depressed cocker she's chasing Arizona

Arizona stifles a laugh. Callie is so funny, it's part of her charm Wow, Wow, Wow danger- wouldn't forget her STAY THE COURSE? She refocuses on Sofia, finally she tries, because Callie continues to make the fool around her, and it must be admitted that it is very difficult to be insensitive to Callie Torres.

The rest of the day takes place in a relaxed atmosphere, each enjoying the presence of the other and enjoying the pleasure of their child. They had planned to make a movie in the evening, but after the ride, the ice creams and the games, Sofia declared forfeiture and fell asleep in the car. So Arizona offers to go home for bedtime, it was more reasonable.

On the way home, Callie asks her half worried, half player

_\- Not too disappointed that the evening is cut short. I think you were more excited to see Mowgli than Sofia!_

_\- It was just perfect, I confess that a little rest won't hurt me too._

Arizona utters these words while mechanically passing her hand over the stump above her prosthesis, Callie's gaze turns lays on the leg.

_\- Oh that's right, sorry it was totally out of my mind_

_\- I really like it, when you forget it_

Callie smiles and theatrically shouts _"I know, I'm not your doctor"_ Arizona thinking she's funny ends the sentence so many times repeated _"notice now_ _ you are not my wife either."_ She bites her lips, already regretting the bad taste of what was meant to be a joke, but which echoed a shared wound_._ The two women smile embarrassed, not knowing how to manage the reminder of what had caused so many disagreements and vexations.

What Callie consider to be a support and help to her wife, Arizona saw it, as an intrusion, a loss of freedom, of independence, they ended up no longer understanding each other, and moving away.

The rest of the journey is done in deafening silence, each immersed in hers own reflections, imagining what was going on in the other's head. Once Sofia is in bed, in order to fill the pervasive silence, Callie proposes to transform their movie night into an video night at home. They each sit on one side of the sofa, leaving a substantial space between them and carefully avoiding their gaze from crossing each other.

Arizona was inwardly reprimanding herself for her clumsiness, wanting to put an end to the uneasiness_, _she decides to clear the air

_\- Callie, I'm really sorry about earlier, it was stupid and inappropriate_

_\- However very fair! Notice the advantage is that no longer being your wife, I can be your doctor now. You should take off your prosthetics and before we watch the movie I'll give you a massage. I can see you're struggling._

Arizona comforted by Callie's reaction, though a little embarrassed accepts the proposal. After all, Callie has already done so very often relieved, it's not as if they didn't know each other.

_\- Uh ... It... it doesn't bother you, we walked a lot and actually I feel a little pain _

_\- A little? _Callie looks at her in a disbelieving corner

_\- Okay, I'm in great pain Dr. Torres! We can't hide anything from the orthopedics superstar! _Arizona admits with a smile on her lips

She takes off her pants to remove her prosthetic, and finds herself in a small outfit in front of Callie. She realized at this moment that this gesture was made naturally, as if it were familiar, as she would have done before the separation.

Callie kneels in front of her, looking at her asking permission to put her hand on the stump and begins a very professional massage striving to avoid any equivocal action.

For her part, Arizona is focused on concealing the disorder caused by the simple contact of Callie's hand on her skin. In order not to let her memory take over the present moment, she programs the "hyper-control" mode. Despite her efforts, she feels the memories catching up with her, upset, she stops Callie's work by assuring her in a tone that is meant to be light and humorous.

-_It's much better, thank you Dr. Torres your hands are still doing wonders_

Wow she's not missing one tonight!

_-"No, no, no, , I mean it was good - No, no! I didn't want to say it like that either finally. You ... you know what I mean_

Callie amused and tendered by Arizona's awkward babbling, feigns misunderstanding, hiding a smile that reads on her lips

_\- No I don't see very well, can you develop?_

_\- Let Callie put the film!_

_\- As you like but if..._

_\- Stop it!_

_\- Ok but ..._

_\- Callie!_

_\- Okay, Okay, I'm quiet. We're watching the movie._

Staring at the screen she mumbles the sulky air

_\- I just wanted to offer my services. As everyone knows, I love my job and I am very conscientious._

Arizona pretends not to have heard but can't refrain from laughing silently, softened by the grin of a cranky child that Callie wears. She forces herself to concentrate on the film so as not to let herself overwhelmed by feelings, which although pleasant, must in no case come back because too dangerous and too uncontrollable.

The next morning, they wake up still sitting on the couch. Arizona's head placed on Callie's shoulder who despite the numbness of her arm, did not move one iota, for fear of interrupting this precious moment. Arizona straightens out abruptly, particularly confused –

_\- Oups sorry, I think I fell asleep, I didn't realize, in ... in sleep you understand I had to put my head on your shoulder I didn't ..._

_\- It's ok Arizona. It's nothing, it isn't like it's the first time, just an old habit_

_\- Yes... Uh... I'm gonna prepare breakfast __today_ _it's my turn. _

Arizona thought she really had to get back on her feet, not lose sight of her famous "STAY THE TRACK ON". They spent the day and night flirting like teenagers. It was disconcerting. Comfortable as when you know each other by heart, and at the same time, exciting as when we discover it during the first dates.

Although it was delicious and very tempting, it wasn't good for her. She knew she shouldn't open this Pandora's box otherwise she was ruined. She would not rise from another failure, and Sofia could not relive that either. It was necessary to build defenses, otherwise she would not resist for long the charms of this beautiful brunette who has the power to always break her. She's going to put some distance, start looking for an apartment is more careful ...

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**Thanks for reading**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document don't belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion.**

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_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good_

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**Chapter 5: Doubts**

Callie emerges from the bathroom wearing a simple bath towel, Arizona hastens to look away. Imagine the naked body of the beautiful Latina, covered with this tiny sponge really did not help to put distance.

_\- Do you have any things planned today? Because I have to go to the hospital, I have files to deal with, colleagues to see._

She had been aware of Arizona's discomfort when she woke up, as she had promised herself, she was not going to rush things.

In order not to increase the pressure, she invents this alibi to get away. She should not dream, Arizona had taken the decision to live in

New York for Sofia, nothing more than may be friendship would now be possible between them.

Their experience was too heavy, too dramatic and we would inevitably have to talk about painful moments, she was really not sure that

neither she nor her ex-wife, would still be able to do that. If they were friends and co-parents it was already good, finally already

better.

Strangely, Arizona doesn't feel as relieved as she might have thought, suddenly the idea of having space no longer appears to her also

crucial. However, she takes her biggest smile to propose:

_\- Ah okay, so I can take care of Sofia. We need to get back in touch with her school. She'll be back in two weeks I think, and then I'm going to put her back in dance classes, okay? She really seems to want to_

_-Perfect! Can you really handle all this?_

_\- Of course, I'm super efficient as always! And then I... I'm going to start looking for an apartment._

She had uttered her words in a feisty flippancy

_\- Oh, okay _retorts Callie concealing her disappointment. The prospect of leaving Arizona grieves her more than she imagined, she enjoyed so much in the last few hours, those stolen moments of happiness. She had enjoyed regaining feelings which she had no longer felt for years, which she had certainly buried by trying against all odds to mourn her history with Arizona. Wasn't she, too, an empty shell all this time?

_\- There is no fire, you don't bother me and I know at least one person who loves your presence here._

_\- Thank you Callie, but I think that even for her it will be clearer._

_\- If you say it, it's the way you want it, it's up to you._

Changing conversation voluntarily Arizona asks Callie

_-You could set me up with your boss. I would have to meet him, I have to start looking after my professional future as well. Nicole won't be here for three months, I'm going to advance the "Robbins-Hermann Center" project, but I need to resume pediatric surgery until our center is up and running._

_\- Okay, I'll do that and I send you a text, as soon as I get the date _agrees Callie

_\- Great! Thank you_

This exchange of banalities removes the anguish of awakening, the exacerbation of the emotions of these last days, thus making the beginning lighter morning, that's what they needed.

Throughout the day, everyone goes about their business. Arizona, although much sought after by Sofia and by all the steps she must take, is a little concerned. She keeps looking at her phone. Oh it's not, that she's worried about her appointment with the Mount Sinai chief, her job interview is just a formality, but she just wants to ...euh she just needs to hear from the brunette. She blames herself for this feeling, it really doesn't correspond to the resolutions taken this morning. Since her arrival in New York she is a mountain of inconsistency ... the beep of her phone takes her out of her thoughts.

**"It's okay for tonight 6:30 p.m. with the chief. I'll be in the lobby at 6:15 p.m. **

**to pick up Sofia.**

She regretfully reads the rather impersonal text message. She had certainly made a film for herself. What she had taken for flirt was

all about her ex's "rough-mannered style". She knew Callie so well, she didn't bother with frills, she delivered her intimate thoughts in

front of anyone, with a disarming naturalness. At first she had often been shocked and even annoyed by this attitude, with time it had

charmed her, and then she was a Latina, she was handsy, exuberant and so cuddly and attentive… No, no really she had wrong way,

what she had mistaken for flirting was in fact nothing but the normal functioning of her ex, from which she had simply unaccustomed

during those years of separation. Callie had stopped loving her, years ago, and their relationship was friendly, for

Sofia, it was obvious. She picked up her phone and chose to send back an emoticon.

But, she had received a military education she had been taught to say at least - hello - thank you - goodbye -

She can't help but send another message

**"Thank you- see you -kiss."**

She was really tortured! she would have to put her head in order one of these days.

But not now, not now... Taking care of Sofia, WARNING her **STAYING ON TRACK...**

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**Thank you for reading**


	6. English version Chapter 6 I'll be there

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion.**

_Sorry translation can be rough, I'm French and my English is not so good_

* * *

Thanks for the reviews, tips and everything, is very nice

* * *

**Chapter 6: I'll be there**

A few hours later, Arizona found herself in the living room flicking through real estate classifieds, while Callie tries to put Sofia to sleep

by reading her, the traditional story of the evening. She listens to her ex-wife play the characters in changing her voice, and her

daughter bursting out laughing. She never understood how she managed to put her to sleep by exciting her in the same way. It was

certainly the Calliope Torres's magic that operated. Arizona always loved that moment in Seattle. The day and its dramas were over,

she found herself in the warm cocoon from her home, with the two people in her life having fun. Then her daughter fell asleep and she

could curl up in her wife's secure arms, who was erasing, all the difficult situations that had to be assumed when you were a surgeon,

and in particular surgeon to small memory brought tears to her eyes. She now knows that her happiness could have just

been made, of all these little simple things. She got it, she ruined it, she lost it.

Callie comes out of the room looking victorious and joins her in the living room sighing

_\- That's it. She's asleep. So your meeting with the chief?_

Arizona shuns the sadness of her last thoughts and in a tone a little too playful to ring true, she tells her interview with the chief of surgery

_\- Great! Everything is settled. I start in two weeks at the same time as Sofia's new school year. I thought it would be easier, I'll be absolutely free to take care of her , in the next few days especially if you have a lot of work._

Callie, somewhat disconcerted both by the intonation and by this last affirmation, tries to understand where her daughter's mother wants to come from.

_\- Yes if you want to, but in fact I do not have a lot of work, I took days off, I had a lot of hours ahead and..._

Arizona interrupts her hiding a smile that reads on her lips.

_\- yes, I heard it say, it looks like you've really, , worked __a lot__ in the last few months_

_\- Uh how? Where? What did you hear?_

_\- I believe that the nurses' offices in every hospitals in the world, are the worst places of gossip ... I had to wait for the chief a few minutes and ... I've learned some exciting things_

Arizona's mischievous look, worries Callie, she knows that this smug little air on Arizona's face testifies to the clever pleasure she will take to needle her.

_\- Arizona stop messing with me, what are you talking about?_

_\- Oh but a lot of things, for example all the work you would have done to come up with a revolutionary prosthesis!_

_\- Oh, that's what I'm going to do. _Answers Callie jaded

_\- Oh yes just that! and it would also appear that a presentation to the scientific committee is planned..._

_\- Yes, but..._

_\- But that Dr. Torres, an eminent orthopedic surgeon, who has been involved for years in this project and who, in addition, would have succeeded in achieving her goal, categorically refuses to give this lecture, at the risk of letting her brilliant idea die out in a closet!_

Arizona pursues more seriously, staring at Callie's eyes to find answers to his misunderstanding

_\- But Callie, you are kidding I hope? You can't, not make this presentation! That's why I'm telling you, that you're going to have work and that I'll take care of everything!_

_\- No, no drop I won't do it ..._

_\- Why? Callie why! _After you go through all this trouble, you're gonna refuse to have your research recognized?

Callie grumpy is trying to dodge the question

_\- I had nothing else to do anyway. It distracted me!_

_\- Callie! Please tell me why, I'm afraid it is my fault because my leg_

_\- No Arizona, no, it has nothing to do with you and your leg_

_\- So, you know that if it is not validated by the scientific committee, your research can never be exploited_

Adopting the look of a child who has just been caught with her hand in the candy pot, the Latina woman timidly confesses

_\- But you know what I mean! Don't you remember? I hate talking in public, it literally makes me sick._

Arizona tries to cheer her on with tenderness, fondling her ex-wife's forearm remembering how many times she had to support a Totally Paralyzed Callie at the thought of speaking in public.

_\- Of course, I remember, but I also remember that you have already done it, and brilliantly in addition. The TED conference was great! You had a huge success._

_\- Yes, but..._

_\- But what?" There's no but_

_\- Yes, there is one. I... I couldn't accept it!_

_\- Why?" _Arizona slowly articulates the word by insisting excessively, hoping to finally have an answer

Callie's sloping air, but pushed into her last entrenchments, finally concedes in a sigh

_\- Sure I was going to throw up. Just before I went to the conference I was going to vomit, and there was no one to hold my hair._

Arizona can laugh, seeing very well what she was referring to, and at that moment she recognizes in her inner for, if ever it was still necessary, that she is passionately in love with this woman. Instinctively reproducing this reassuring gesture as she has so often done, she shakes the latina hands in hers own, dives into the child's black eyes and tenderly declares

_-Hey, you're not alone, do you hear me? I'm your man for that. I'll hold your hair while you're throwing up, then I'll be there, sitting in the front row, and when you'll stress, you could look at me and it'll pass. I promise. We've always done it!_

_\- Yeah, so okay_ Callie looks childish with a happy smile illuminating her face.

She remembers all the crisis situations where Arizona was unconditionally there for her. She was the only one who could calm her down in those moments, she realized too late, that she was also the only one she needed. While Callie let herself be absorbed in the memories, Arizona immediately took matters into her own hands, she had not felt as energetic, helpful and confident for years.

_\- Well! then that's settled. When exactly is it? Do you still have time to register? Go get your computer, we'll fill out the card immediately so they can schedule you_

Slightly distraught confused by Arizona's frantic hectic pace, Callie stops her with one move

_\- What ?_

_\- It's not possible!_

_\- What's going on? Why? Did you agree a moment ago what changed?_

_\- You can't be sitting in the front row_

_\- What ? What are you saying? And why not?_

_\- Because if you're in the front row, I'm going to see you_

_\- Euh yes, that was the goal actually, but if you do prefer ..._

_\- And in this case I won't be able to put into practice your advice_

_\- What advice? Callie I don't understand anything_

Callie tries to hide her mischievous smile

_\- Euh ... You know your thing when you're stressed in front of an assembly, imagining the people in the room, completely naked, you say it helps. But I'm sure that if I start imagining you completely naked it's not going to help me at all. Maybe it's going to confuse me too much and even make me lose my means!_

_\- You're _impossible," exclaims falsely angry Arizona, unable to hold back a giggle at the evocation of this memory

_\- I'll be in the front row, with our daughter by my side, it should calm you down!_

_\- Wow! Of course, if you use the great means. Would you dare take a child hostage, Dr. Robbins? I don't congratulate you!_

_\- It's educational! You'll be an example to her! Seriously, Callie, she's going to be very proud of _you, she adds lower,_and so am I._

_\- Sold Dr. Robbins _responds Callie by clapping the hand of the one who was her best friend, who had been her greatest love, and the woman of her life. Even if it had never been easy, at that moment she had no doubt about it.

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**Thank you for reading**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document don't belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

Thank you very much for the reviews, the followers and favorites additions, this is encouraging and motivating. Please do not hesitate to inform me if I make errors in the translation, I will do my best to correct them and not reproduce them.

**CHAPTER 7 "Competition"**

Meal time for the three girls was sacred. They had hardly ever had these family moments in the past, either Sofia were too young, or they were on a break or they were separated. They appreciated them all the more and took advantage of opportunities to chat, have fun, tease or even confront each other.

_\- No, no I've always been excellent, I've already won you at Monopoly! _ Callie defended herself vigorously

_\- Ok I agree with you! You have a business acumen, it must be in your genes! but in Scrabble you never, ever won. I'm sorry, Callie, but I think our daughter is more strategic than you._

_\- No, but I'm hallucinating! you're insinuating that I'm playing less well than a 7-years-old_

_"Oh, no! Not at all! Not just any 7-years-old, but our daughter, I can tell you that! She's brilliant, almost as bright as I am._

Arizona loves to sting Callie's self- esteem, she knows perfectly well that she's going to fall with both feet in the trap, privilege of having shared her life for many years.

_\- Sofia looks like Mama is cranky at the thought that you can win her. Oh Callie, you're not gonna sulk because you're not a Scrabble genius? You're already an orthopedic genius, and okay, I concede you win at Monopoly a few times._

_\- Have fun, enjoy yourself, oh great Dr. Robbins doubly certified!_

_\- Uh triple, I'm now qualified in obstetrics too, so tripling certified, and you can add The Carter Madison winner_

_\- Wow I will never forget it! I know your curriculum vitae by heart, you know! You failed in the modesty certification, didn't you?_

Arizona burst laughing at Callie's ease of distribution, and continuing this affectionate verbal joust on the same tone, she retorts with a bit pretentious air

_\- Hey it's just reality, it's annoying false modesty!_

Seeing her ex-wife rolls her eyes, and deeming that the shortest jokes are the best, she shoves her gently from the shoulder laughing.

_\- You're so predictable, you always start in the quarter. It's so funny, I'll never get tired of it._

The meal is over, Arizona takes care of tidying up the kitchen, Sofia left in her room to put on her jammies, while Callie in the living-room reflects on her revenge. When the whole family gets together, Callie offers a Scrabble championship .

_" Do you know how to split up? I came up with rules. Sofia you play a first game against me, that of the two of us who wins meets Mom for a second part, that way, depending on the scores we will have a ranking._

Arizona pretends to seriously analyze the proposal

_\- That sounds fair. What do you think Sofia?_

_\- I think I'm going to eat you both! Are you ready to bite the dust?_

The reflection of their daughter, in a perfect mimicry of Arizona to which she devotes a boundless admiration, provokes a simultaneous burst of laughter in both mothers.

_\- God, don't ask me, from who does she get this confidence in herself from? _Throws Callie to Arizona

_\- From me! I have to influence her a little bit to get her some stuff from me. Physically she is your clone, she has already inherited your exceptional beauty._

Slightly embarrassed by this last observation which had come out, in spite of herself in the enthusiasm of the moment, Arizona lowered the head towards the living room table, thus concealing the redness she feels rising to her cheeks. She's trying to deflect the conversation suggesting to start the game because of the late hour for Sofia, grateful for Callie's favor of pretending not to have heard her remark. But that's without counting on her daughter's cheeky spirit.

_\- Mama, I __think Mom just said that she thinks you're very beautiful, you have to say thank you to her_

_\- Mom is just trying to flatter me to distract me and win. Sofia don't let her do it, she's terrible, she's able of anything to win_

Arizona offended by this accusation strongly protests

_\- Oh that's not true! Wouldn't be more like the Torres method? Of the two of us you are largely the most competitive, I want as proof, the competition between our services that Richard had launched. Remember!_

They scoff about the unfair strategy that Callie had put in place to oust them, when each of them was trying, to win a million dollars for their service. She had tried to discourage Marc and had managed to destabilize him, then, she had used the problem of authority that Arizona suffered in front of the chief, to try to confuse her.

Never missing an opportunity to talk about their live with her father, they tell their daughter that memory. Forgetting the Scrabble competition, the child had lay down between them, her head resting on Arizona's lap, caressing her black hairs, legs on those of Callie, who massaged her feet. She listened attentively to her mothers, laughing and commenting on this period, telling her about the happy days they had lived with her father. There could not be more happiness in the room, more laughter and joy. This is how the child sinks into a deep sleep

_\- When I think that I asked Weber to win me, to balance our relationship, because you were always better than me in all areas. Finally, at the end , the three of us lost! _ concluded Callie by taking a look at the sleeping child's face _And she lost by forfeit! _She adds towards Arizona, a winning smile on her face

_\- No, no, no, no, no, Callie, no. I can't believe you wouldn't do that to your daughter? I won't allow it, it's not sport!_

Callie a little guilty of taking advantage of a 7-year-old concedes

_\- Okay, okay the tournament is postponed because of the big fatigue of a participant, I'll put the Scrabble's little genius in bed_

When she comes back from Sofia's room, she finds Arizona in the same position, absorbed by thoughts that obviously sadden her. Even though they always tried to talk to their daughter joyfully, so as not to pain her, Mark's memory was always painful for both women. They had certainly lost a friend, a kind of big brother and their daughter had lost her father, but thinking of Marc's death, inevitably brought back to the crash, the amputation, the hell and what put an end to the lightness of their lives, to the carelessness of their youth.

_\- Hey, are you okay?"_

_\- Yes_

Callie's leaning her head, a disbelieving smile on her face, telling Arizona that she wasn't fooled.

_\- It's okay, I'm fine Callie, it's just that... Those moments, you know? I had kind of lost the habit_

_\- Yeah,_

_\- But I'm not complaining! It is okay. Uh... It is, right?_

_\- Yeah,_

_\- Finally, it is better not to get too used to it, because, when it stops, it makes such a void!_

_\- Yeah,_

Arizona surprised by the laconic responses from the brunette who suddenly set herself concerned, ironically

_\- Uh ... You're gonna have to seriously consider enriching your vocabulary Callie._

_\- Yeah,_

_\- Well, I'm going to go to bed. Thank you for your conversation it was how to say um... so informative, very exciting!_

_\- Arizona!_

As Callie calls on her, she turns to cross the black eyes where she can read a deep emotion. Feeling that what follows won't be insignificant, Arizona continues the joke to give the change and keep it on course, she answers in the same tone as Callie previously, laughing

_-Yeah_

_\- Refusing to love for fear of suffering is a bit like refusing to live for fear of dying. We can't choose how to die or when, but we can decide how we're going to live._

On these words, she gets up, passes in front of her ex-wife, and in a radical mood change she kisses her on the cheek, wishing her a good night and whispering in her ear

_\- Enough vocabulary for you Dr. _Robbins? _I'll let you meditate on that._

She continues her way to her room by throwing

_-Sweet dreams._

Arizona stands motionless in the middle of the room, stunned at the depth of Callie's thoughts. This is one of the contradictions of this woman, she can in the same minute have a kindergarten's behavior and express a thought about the life of such sagacity, that she sends shivers to you throughout the body. She was always impressed by this brilliant spirit she had fallen in love with her dazzling_._

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**Thank you for reading**


	8. English version Chapter 8 An unexpected

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

Thanks again for the comments, they make me really happy, Thanks for the additions in favorites and for everything it's great

* * *

**Chapter 8 An unexpected visit**

Arizona was at the apartment working on files. Tonight it is Callie who takes care of picking up their daughter from school, so she has

planned not to go out and take advantage of this time to progress in the project of the center. She is interrupted in her work by the

ringing of her phone, she smiled by discovering the photo of the contact.

_\- Hey Teddy I'm so happy to hear you, what's news in Germany?_

_\- I'm not in Germany anymore. Actually, I came back to Seattle, apparently the day you moved to New York._

Teddy sounds worried, but in her frenzy to tell her friend about her new life, Arizona doesn't really notice that.

_\- Oh but it's such a shame! Why didn't you call me? I'd have tried to see you before I left. Yes I decided to join Callie, um ... well…finally... I mean it's for Sofia. She wasn't happy you know, she needed both her parents, so I moved out and she's doing great. But hey, tell me about yourself. Why did you come back to Seattle? I understood that with Owen..._

_\- Uh well I don't ... I mean, …Anyway. Now I'm in New York._

_\- You are ..._

_\- Arizona I need you_

At this sentence, Arizona measures the gravity of the situation, Teddy's voice is quivering, shaken by the tears held back

_Of course tell me where you are. I'll be right back!_

Teddy was staying at the first hotel she found, she seemed a little lost. Her disappointment was immense when she arrived in Seattle thinking of announcing her pregnancy to Owen, only to realize that he was actually living a very ambiguous and rather complicated relationship, with Amelia, a baby and her mother Betsy. She had the feeling that, she and her unborn child had no place in that, and had taken a plane back to lay her head on her best friend's understanding shoulder.

_\- I actually didn't know where else to go, so I went to your house. I saw that it was for sale and at the hospital I was told that you had gone to New York. I was so happy that my ideal couple came back, I thought seeing a little happiness couldn't hurt me._

Arizona rolls her eyes

_\- Oh, we didn't find each other as found each other... Well, not like the ideal couple. I moved to Sofia, that's what she needed, you know?_

_\- But with Callie, how's it going?_

_\- It's great, she's great. She takes me until I find an apartment and it's... Uh... We're back to be friends and um ... accomplices too, you see! It's natural, spontaneous, funny, we laugh, we watch movies, we drink shots. I realized that we had done almost more since the crash, and it feels so good. Hey! You're coming to drink with us too! Oh shit no you can't, you're pregnant!_

In front of Arizona's enthusiasm, Teddy hides a smile heard. She found on her best friend's face the spark that had has been missing for so many years. It once again exudes this contagious joy of life. She exclaims sarcastic

_\- I wanted you to follow my pregnancy, but on second thought, I don't know if it's a good idea, you seem a little out of control_

_\- Hey I'm the best! I just haven't gotten used to my friend who's going to be a mom yet! Wow, that's good news, isn't it? Uh... It is?_

Teddy nods her head, reassuring her friend

_\- So what do you want to do? Because Owen will have to tell him anyway?_

_\- Of course but I just needed a little respite, to chat with my friend and I did well because I'm already better._

Arizona hugs her

_\- I warned you, I'm great as a friend! It seems that I am better as a friend than as a wife for that matter! Well, you're lucky, you're my friend. Teddy, you're not alone, okay?_

Arizona had been busy all evening, listening to Teddy, comforting her, incidentally feeding her a bit and putting together an attack plan for the follow-up of her pregnancy. Time had passed faster than she had realized and she had not warned that she would come home late.

When she arrives in the apartment, she finds Callie sitting on the couch, a magazine in hand, which seemed to serve more as an accessory as well as a means of information, since she held it upside down.

_\- Are you not in bed?"_

_\- No I was a little worried. You could warn when you have a date and you're not eating with us._

_\- Oh I'm sorry I couldn't..._

_\- You couldn't take a second to text?_

_\- I didn't think about it_

Callie is surprised at Arizona's behavior it's not that she can have demands, Arizona is free, but still, she acts as if she were alone.

_\- Your daughter was worried, I couldn't tell her if you were going to kiss her before she fell asleep, and you didn't think about it? Okay_

_\- Callie, I didn't realize the time I thought it was earlier_

_\- Whatever! You're fine that's the point. I'm going to go to bed. Good night_

She gets up leaving Arizona confused in the middle of the living room. She had expressed these words very quietly and the fact that

she didn't get into one of her memorable angers that Arizona had come to dread, because the words could be scathing and hurtful,

contributed to heightening Arizona's disorder.

Callie had changed, she was now managing the disagreements more calmly. At the end of their relationship she was scarred

psychologically, and all her reactions were disproportionate, often with the consequence of making everything worse. In response

Arizona had locked herself in her guilt, she often kept quiet the way she felt, and then, when it was more than she could bear, she

exploded suddenly, sometimes for a detail which had the consequence of making everything worse.

But in this case, Callie was right, obviously she should have warned her, phoned Sofia, they cared about her. She actually lost the habit

of someone worrying about her, but it's not like she's alone anymore. She becomes aware of this state of fact with a smile she muses : _"I'm no longer alone"_

Not wishing to stay on this bad step, and let anything spoil the relationship they were now able to build.

She approaches her ex-wife's room hesitantly and knocks gently at the door, waiting for an answer for the push. When Callie invites

her, she walks towards the bed, sitting shyly on the edge.

_\- You're right I should have called you. I'm sorry_

_\- Yes but it was so good that you didn't see time pass and you didn't think..._

Callie had uttered these words without the slightest irritation, without the slightest reproach, she was just a little sad.

Suspecting, the scenario she had had time to write in her head, and wishing to cut short her ramblings, Arizona hastened to clarify.

_\- No Callie, it wasn't "so good"! A friend needed me and it was urgent. She was desperate and I listened to her ..._

_\- Anyway you have no account to turn me in and I have no right to be angry_

While smiling at her, with infinite tenderness she pushes back a strand of hair from the brunette's face

_\- Indeed, you have no right to be angry, but you have the right to be a little upset anyway. So just for the record it was just a friend, not a date. And then it was very nice to worry about me._

_\- Do you already have friends here?_

_\- Callie!_

_\- I'm just asking! I know her? Is she a friend of YOU, or a friend of US?_

_\- Callie!_

_\- Arizona you can just tell me if I know her_

She can be so childish and tenacious, she sounds like Sofia when she is denied candy before dinner, and like in Sofia, Arizona can't deny Callie anything.

_\- Okay, okay. So, you know her, she's OUR friend, but she made me promise not to tell you. Satisfied?_

Callie does not hold back a great sigh of relief, which amuses Arizona, she pursues affectionately

_\- Anyway, it was very nice to worry about me, and I Thank you_

_\- I do it all the time, I've always done it, finally... almost always._

_-You shouldn't, you know I'm a big girl now ! _she ironically assures, her famous smile on her face digging her dimples and giving her that irresistible charm.

The two women simply enjoyed in hearing "we" and "Ours" again in the discussion, as if the pieces of the puzzle were getting back in their places to rebuild an entity. During this exchange, unconsciously their bodies had come closer. Callie is still moving a little further, the space between their lips is now tiny, but she leaves it up to Arizona the choice to fill it. The blonde could not take her eyes off the mouth she loved so much, and without really realizing what she was doing, as if attracted by the strength of a magnet, she pressed her mouth against Callie's. This one, seeks to deepen the kiss she longed for and for so long, her hands already sliding on the sides of her ex-wife's torso. Suddenly recovering her spirits, Arizona moves away abruptly.

_\- No, no, no, no, no, Callie no, I'm sorry... don't_

We can see all mixed misunderstanding, sadness, disappointment in Callie's eyes. She's backing down, bowing her head

_\- Sorry I thought... Sorry_

_\- Oh Callie no, it's me... I'm the one who's sorry, it's my fault, but I can't, we can't, it's been too hard, it hurt too much, I ... I'm too scared_

Upset Arizona rises to leave the room, but Callie grabs her wrist holding her back. She doesn't want any more evasions, she wants to face their feelings, she no longer wants to just dream her life, but she wants to give herself the means to realize her dreams and in her dreams there is always Arizona. So she's going to take a deep breath, put aside her ego, her self- esteem and with great courage she's going to expose her heart.

_\- Yes it was very hard, yes it hurt very much and I think you'll be surprised but it was not just for you Arizona. It's certainly not going to reassure you, but I'm very scared too. Fear doesn't prevent you from suffering Arizona, it just prevents you from living. I love you, I don't want to miss out on my life, because I'm afraid._

Arizona has been expressing aloud the anxieties that have been spinning in her head for weeks.

_\- I'm not the same anymore Callie, maybe you like the other Arizona, not the one I've become? And what, if it doesn't work again! I will not recover, Sofia will be disturbed again and ... _

_\- Really, you think I'm the same one you kissed in Jo's bathroom? Do you think I've went through all of this, without being impacted? You changed me Arizona! Life changed me, my mother's rejection, Marc's death, all the dramas, each of our separations changed me! Being a mother has changed me and certainly other events will change me again. Everyone changes all the time._

_\- I know all of that Callie, but... but when I'm with you I'm weak, vulnerable. I have ... I feel like if you ask me to jump off a bridge and swim, I'll just ask you how far. It terrifies me!_

Callie can't help but smile at the choice of metaphor, even in the most tense discussions, Arizona moves her, touches and amuses her at the same time, she loves everything about this woman, her strength and fragility, her courage and her fears, all her inconsistencies she loves them.

_\- So, you still trust me a little bit? I love you Arizona, I love the human being you are, I love you when you are so moved that you babble, I love when you struggle to hide your weaknesses and I like to believe, that even if it's only half-words I'm the one you can confess them , I love you when you want to be so right that you abuse unlikely metaphors to convince me. I love you when you get up in the morning, your hair gets flushed and you rub your eyes like a squirrel to get out of sleep. I love you when you look at our daughter as if you wanted to burn her image forever in your memory. I love you Arizona all the time. And I also like that sad look you give me from time to time, which makes me think that maybe, maybe you love me too, but you just don't want to allow it anymore._

Arizona looks at her intensely, a resigned smile on her lips. Without a word she stands up to get out of the room, sighing and nodding with their heads overwhelmed by grief.

_\- This time It's me who asking you_

Arizona stops without turning around to listen to Callie, tears now flow down her face.

_\- Another chance. That's just what I'm asking for. Another chance. I'll always ask you if you'd like to jump off the bridge and swim, and above all, I'll jump with you and swim by your side. But please give us another chance._

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**Thank you for reading**


	9. Chapter 9 Note book

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

**Chapter 9 Notebook**

Arizona had been grappling for long, long minutes with her thinking. Callie's words were sweet and persuasive, but the irrepressible fear of losing her again, of suffering and above all, making Sofia suffer, paralyzed her. They were very pretty Callie's words, except that no one, no one, knew what she had to go through to survive their breakup, Callie herself could certainly not imagine it.

She opens a cardboard box, takes out a notebook. Without looking at it, she leaves her room to join her ex-wife's. She hands the notebook to the brunette woman lying in bed.

_\- I think, you'll understand by reading this, I wrote it a long time ago, so that is not necessarily what I think today. I never read it again and I never want to read it again and I never want to talk about it again. It's not for you to be sad, it's not for you to feel guilty, it's just to you understand that I will never be able to go back that way again. When you're done, can you please destroy_ it?

Arizona utters these words with determination, her face closed and grave, she leaves the room, leaving Callie stunned.

This one opens the little notebook on which she recognizes Arizona's applied writing, some pages are stained by what can only be tears. She takes a deep breath and prepares to face the past.

* * *

_Callie today you left me, I don't understand, I didn't see it coming. You left me alone, distraught, in this office._

_Today you got up, you left without looking back and you left me._

_Your face flooded with tears you got up and you left me._

_I missed breathing, I think my heart stopped for a few seconds, it must be that's heartbroken. I_ _couldn't say a word, I just watched you walk away. Dr. Wyatt kept me for a long time, but I couldn't talk, so she_ _advised me to write._ _So today you left me._

_**Day**__** 2**: Callie I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm angry. You promised me, never to give up on me, always to love me, you let my heart break and you left. I know, I know, I promised too. I promised loyalty... I hate myself, I'm so angry._

_**Day**__** 5**: Love is like a rubber band, if one of two lets go the other hurts. You let go and I'm in pain. I didn't think it could hurt so much._

_**Day**__** 10:**_ _ I try, I really try, I drown in work, I avoid you, I concentrate all my energy trying to forget you. But it doesn't work, wanting to forget you is thinking about you, all the time._

_**Day**__**15**: Today Hermann told me that I let myself be softened with my poor little broken heart. I wanted to yell at her that the only person who could fix it was the one who broke it?_

_**Day**__**18:**_ _ I learn to live without you, but I do not know how to live without our memories, I close my eyes, I seek in my memory, a smile on my lips, a tear in my eyes. The nights are so long._

_**Day**__**20**__: I go to bed thinking of you, I dream of you, when I open my eyes, it is still you that I'm looking for. I know, I'm not perfect, but who is? I know I'm not the ideal wife, but does she exist? In any case, I love you._

_**Day**__**25:**_ _ You looked at me and your laughter froze, as if my even standing here, prevented you from laughing, having fun, from being good. Your eyes have always spoken to me but tonight they were mute. I certainly should have called Alex before, but I didn't know where to go, I don't have home anymore. My house was you. My friends were yours, my world was you, you and Sofia. I clung to you like a mold to its rock, this weight became too heavy for you. I'm sitting there on the floor with my back glued to that bed, which is neither mine nor ours, wondering what I'm doing with my life. Not much. I'm nostalgic, I live in our past. And by always reliving our past, I no longer have a present, much less a future._

_**Day**__** 30**: Just not enough! My God, those three words broke me._

_"Do you miss me at all ?"_

_\- Of course_

_\- Just, not enough?_

_Your eyes answered me. There are days when I hate myself for loving you so much!_

_**Month 2:**_

_**One **__**night**__: Calliope, I want you to be with me, I want you to be in me. But you're not here. I'm going to satisfy that desire for you in my imagination._

_**Next **__**day**__**:**_ _ I'm waiting. The days go by and look a bit alike. I miss you every second. I meet people every day, yet I feel so alone. "You miss only one being and everything is depopulated" We only really understand these things when we experience them on_

_**A difficult day**__: Do you know how sad I am without you, how sick I am when I don't see you, how much I cry when we don't talk? Do you even see how much I suffer without you?_

_There's nothing worse than loving someone who makes you suffer. I don't know how you could forgot me, because as far as I'm concerned, you're still in the corner of my head._

_Maybe I wasn't very important to you?_

_**Another**__** night:**_ _ Every night alone in my bed, loneliness and despair invade me. I close my eyes and I feel you close to me, I huddle dearly tenderly in your arms, I wish this moment would last forever. Unfortunately my eyes open, reality catches up with me and I will ask myself the same questions again and again. Why did you let me think we were okay? Why did you make passionate love to me that night? Did you already know it was our last night? I will have no answer, tonight I will have nothing but sorrow. _

_**3 Months 10 days - 6 hours and a few minutes**_

_Do you remember the day I told you I love you for the first time? Or the first time I kissed you? The first time we had sex? These moments represent only a few minutes over a lifetime, but these minutes will remain as the most beautiful of my life. And even if all the time I spent by your side has not been so beautiful memories, seeing you gives me a smile_

_**One more**__**night:**__ That night I couldn't sleep. I wanted to feel your warm body against my skin. I wanted to feel your hands playing with my body. One more night without you. I miss you._

_**Month 4:**_

_**A Day:**__ Another day, another week, another month and there might even be another year, another smile, another tear another winter, another summer, but there can't be another you. I feel like there can never be another you._

_**One More**__** day**__: An old habit, are we no longer just an old habit? But you were worried about me. Old habit or not, it feels good and it hurts a little too. One of the most overwhelming feelings is not knowing whether to wait or give up. I can't, I don't want to do anything but wait for you and hope we find our way back._

_**Hope day**__**:**_ _ You were looking for me, you seemed really worried about me, and it was good, so good. You took my hand tenderly and stroked it long. You let me put my head on your shoulder and I could have stayed that way for the rest of my life. You took care of me as you always did, only you, know my fears and my weaknesses, only you, know how to appease me, I need you so much._

_**Other**__**day:**_ _ You are here with me, helping me to overcome this new trial. Are you offering me your friendship?_

_Offering friendship to anyone who wants love is a bit like giving bread to someone who is dying of thirst. But if that's all you can give me then I'll die of thirst. I can't lose you completely._

_**Sorrowful day**__**:**_ _ You were the cause of my smile you became the cause of my tears. She had her lips on yours I think you were smiling in your kiss. Not being around you, makes me suffer, but seeing you with someone else makes me die._

_**One more day like the**__** others:**_ _ What I miss in my life is you... It's your smell, your words of love, your smile, your laughter, your way of making me laugh, your children's eyes, your loving eyes, the softness of your skin, the warmth of your body, the smell of your hair, combing them to soothe you, burying my head in your neck to soothe me, your body on my body, your lips against my lips. I miss your jealousy when I looked at another girl, even mine, when you did it. I miss hearing you say "I'm yours", but what I miss most is not hearing you say "I love you" to me anymore. What really kills me is imagining you telling someone else, when I can't project myself for a second into a life without you._

_**Month 5**_

_**On the day of another crash:**_

_How? But how could you hide such a thing from me, let me blame you for so long? I'm so confused, you tried to protect me._

_But what did I do to us? Did you love me so much? Did you sacrificed yourself so much? How you must have suffered my love!_

_How could I be so blind, deaf and ignorant? I hate myself. I don't know, I don't know anymore, I'm in so much pain_

_**Another month without you. I don't want to count them anymore.**_

_**Worst of days**__: Tonight I'm sad, no I'm torn, overwhelmed. That's the last step. You decided to sell the house and I agreed, you decided to end our marriage and I agreed. Tonight we are no longer separated, but divorced. Tonight you're officially my ex-wife. I have to get used to this new situation. I've never been very good at grieving, Tim, Nick are dead, but you're alive, how am I supposed to bring myself to bury us? I hear," letting someone you care about go is a way of showing them that you care about him".So I have to watch you go, I wanted you to stay so much. Do you even know how much I love you?_

_**Another day **__I write less, but I still think of you as much._

_What I feared happened. You met someone, and of course you're madly in love. Apparently you have met love, the real, the only one that lasts forever. What were we then? Did I imagine our passion?_

_I have experienced all kinds of suffering, but to love without being loved, to cry without being comforted, to see you go without being able to hold you back, that is what I call suffering._

_**More**__** day: **_ _Reacts Robbins spreads your wings Robbins. Tonight I went out, I tried to move on. She was pretty, but she wasn't you, she smelled good but I was looking for your smell. Tonight I find that sex without love is really not funny._

_**Black**__**day**__: I haven't written for months, but today was too much. What was that about New York ?_

_Callie you can't do that, you can't take our daughter away from me! You've already erased the woman, do you also want to erase the mother? Do you want to replace me with our daughter too? Do you really want me to disappear completely from your lives, breaking the only bond that still unites us? No one in my life has hurt me so much_

_**Even worse day than the worst of the days of my life**_

_I never thought I would live such a day of humiliation, you have allowed to say in this court, things that I never, ever would have let someone assume, of you. Why did you let that lawyer smear me like that? I don't recognize you, I don't recognize the woman I adored, I don't recognize us anymore. I'm ashamed of us. I don't think I can forget one day that you destroyed everything, ruined everything, you messed up my fondest memories and I hate you for it. I'm so mad at you._

_**Day I'll never forget, worse than the worst of the worst days of my life**__:_

_Having won resonates with me, as if we had both lost. You are sad and I have never been able to bear it. What's wrong with me? Is it possible to love someone as much as I love you? I am about to do the most terrible thing I have ever done. I have to let you go with our daughter, I have to let you be happy even if it's far from me, even if I have to be separated from the being I love the most in the world, because she's my daughter too._

_I think this time we're really over, and that thought is destroying me a little more. I'm gonna shed a lot of tears, I miss her already, I miss you already but I have to. I must be the good man in this fucking storm that never ends._

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**Thank you for reading **_T**his chapter is a breath so sad but faced reality as hard as it, is sometimes necessary to...I hope you keep reading! **_**_Next update tomorrow or maybe tonight if I have _**_** time and also I have to try to answer your reviews thanks for tha****t**_


	10. Chapter 10 dance with me

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

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_Two chapters today because tomorrow will be for me a day of travel so I will not be able to update. I will undoubtedly do it the next day . __Enjoy and thank you for all the super nice reviews_

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**Chapter 10: Dance with Me**

Callie has been working on her presentation for a month, practicing in front of her mirror. When Sofia is in bed, she resumes again facing Arizona who listens patiently, repeating the lecture she'll give in a few weeks.

She could replace her on short notice because she knows the text by heart, but it reassures Callie to repeat and repeat again, tirelessly, so Arizona supports her as she has always has.

She is very busy between her job in the pediatric surgery department at Mount Sinai Hospital, and the steps she started for the implementation of " the Robbins-Hermann Center for Women's Health."

Teddy allowed her to bring Callie into the confidence of her pregnancy and her situation, because Arizona didn't want to keep secrets from Callie, she cares about an honest relationship. The three women spent a few evenings together, as in the good old days, and the cardiologist will also start working at Mount Sinai in a few weeks. Right now, she has to come back Seattle to talk to Owen and move back later to New York permanently.

For Arizona and Callie life flows easily, organized between Sofia and their work they share daily life, as if they were a real family. As for their personal relationship, they're not really stuck in the "Friends" area It's not so simple, rather stuck each in their own guilt. Their life is like a hesitant dance: two steps forward one step back. They feel like they are frayed, the slightest touch or the evocation of a memory can make, at the same time, their cheeks rise red with desire or plunge them into doubt, fear or sadness.

Callie had respected Arizona's wishes, and had made no comment on the reading she had entrusted to her. The next morning, when Arizona had noticed, her eyes reddened by the tears, she hugged her and whispered tenderly.

_\- Please Callie no more pain, no more sadness, let's not ruin this now_

Callie visibly upset, had withdrawn from the embrace, nodding with a semblance of a smile, and for a while she had avoided crossing the blonde's gaze. As the days went by, their relationship had normalized. Arizona thought they had perfectly clarified things in such a way that they could become excellent friends and powerful co-parents for their daughter.

It took Callie a few days to digest the heartbreaking information that reading the notebook had revealed to her, and after having cried a lot, having self-flagged for her behavior, she analyzed the situation calmly. She perceived in the writings of Arizona so much love in the midst of all this pain that it was so many arguments justifying to fight to rebuild their relationship. Everything she had read proved to her that it was worth it.

She knew that this wasn't won with the particularly stubborn Robbins specimen who had clearly decided to wear blinkers so as not to see the obvious. She was also aware that she had lost Arizona's trust, and it was going to be difficult to convince the woman who had already accused her, years ago, of falling so easily in love with man, woman etc... But she was gonna fight for it, she could do it, she had to do it. She was, however, less comfortable with the court episode, how could Arizona forgive her when she herself could not?

Forgiveness was exactly why Arizona wouldn't let herself go. She was certainly afraid of failure, she had certainly afraid of suffering again, and making Sofia suffer, but she was above all convinced, that Callie could never forgive her adultery, her attitude after the crash, all that she had miserably ruined, it would come back one day like the eternal reproach, she didn't want it anymore.

Yet she must be acknowledged that her life since moving to New York was sweeter than it had been for a long time she felt soothed, serene, whole again. They had no longer discussed about the apartment, Arizona had continued the research without too much doggedness however, and when Teddy had offered her a possible co-location she had pretended not to hear because she felt good with Sofia and she had to admit it, with Callie too.

It is late when Arizona pushes the door of Callie's apartment, she is stopped by the sight of the Latin from the back, in panties and pink tank top, the headphones of her iPad in her ears, swinging her body to the sound of music that she alone hears.

As at the beginning of their relationship, she always and again finds her of supernatural beauty, she remembers that she could not stop looking at her sensual curves, her long coppery legs, and tonight, almost 10 years later, it's exactly the same.

Moved by the show she had not seen for so long, she remembers their life before, when everything was easier. Callie was definitely, the sexiest woman she ever knew. She closes her eyes for a second wanting to dispel this feeling.

Unaware of the presence of her ex-wife, Callie carried away by the music makes a U- turn thus finding herself in front of the blonde.

Caught off guard, she jumps, quickly removing the headphones from her ears, but crossing Arizona's thoughtful gaze, she teases her with the mischievous look.

_\- Hey, you were there? Would you be staring at me?_

_\- No, no, no, sorry, sorry I ... uh I thought... Just, do you like again dancing by yourself in little panties? _Arizona mumbles those words, panicked at the idea of somehow looking like a perverted peeper

_\- yeah, but actually I realized that much more than dancing alone in panties, my favorite thing is dancing with you. Dance with me _begs Callie

She approached Arizona whose shy look gave her a crazy charm, she had not moved a step away, as if her feet were screwed to the ground. She slips her an earpiece in and drags her into a very glued tightly salsa. Trying to swallow, the ball that blocks her tight throat Arizona defends herself a little

_\- Callie is not a good idea; then I don't dance like that anymore..._

_\- Do you really think I fell in love with you because your dancing skill? __Let yourself be carried by the music and by me_

After a few seconds of embarrassment, Arizona relaxes in the arms of the very scantily clad brunette, letting herself be greyed out by her perfume, by the contact of her skin, she lets herself be guided by her ex-wife even forgetting that she has a prosthesis and that she had no longer danced in this way since. While the music changes to a slower rhythm Callie does not let her escape, holding her firmly by the waist, she lays her forehead on that of the blonde and while gently swinging she whispers to her.

_\- We used to do this so often. What happened to us Arizona?_

Without changing position Arizona takes a deep breath and declares tenderly, eyes filled with nostalgia.

_\- We grew up, we had a baby, and then the universe unleashed against us._

_\- yes, we've had so many losses all these years. How could we have gone through all this, without damage?_

_\- But we are still standing, and I am so glad that we can be friends again. _Walking away a little to dive into the black eyes she adds: _ I missed you so much_

Arizona removes the earpiece from her ear and now completely separates from the Latina she confesses smiling

_\- But as much as I enjoy this moment Callie, I am not of wood and holding you in this outfit, will certainly not help me to stay on the way of friendship. I'm going to take a shower._

_\- Hey, are you abandoning me?_

_\- Yes I assure you, it's _wiser pleasant Arizona

Callie a big smile drawn on her face, watches Arizona come out of the room and the walls of the rampart crack.

_\- Arizona! Cold shower?_

The two women laugh, regaining their complicity. The shower will actually be cold

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**Thank you for reading **


	11. Chapter 11 The revolutionary prothesis

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

_Thanks again for all the reviews. I will do my best to publish once a day, but the internet connection is not great._

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**Chapter 11: The Revolutionary Prosthesis**

The day of the presentation was approaching and strangely Callie wasn't showing too many signs of anxiety. The day before D-Day while Arizona was already in bed, she hears the knocks on the door of her room, Callie pushes it but hesitates to take another gets up to sit in bed she observes with a softened smile on her lips, the brunette with children's eyes and her borrowed attitude. Which could say in her professional circle that the Doctor Rock Star, badass, the magically raging brown bear, could in the cocoon of intimacy appears as a Teddy bear. She secretly hoped that it was reserved for her, that it was her privilege to see this Callie. Shaking her thoughts so as not to indulge in painful memories imagining intimate Latina with someone else, she points to the edge of the bed and invites Callie to sit there.

_-Come here. What's going on? What's wrong with that? You're starting to get stressed, aren't you?_

_\- Um, I 'm not bothering you?_

Callie walks slowly into the room, looking dismayed as if she had just broken the grandmother's vase the family memory.

_\- You're worried, aren't you? You're gonna see, it's going well ..._

She interrupts Arizona abruptly

_\- I have to tell you something_

_\- What's going on?_

_\- It's a trick, um ... I don't think you're going to like it. I don't know how to say you that?_

Arizona feels worry invading her, even if they have regained some balance, she kept this reflex, the fear that in a second, everything changes, everything escapes her, she has so often lost control in this relationship. She always fears Callie's words, Callie's decisions, Callie's actions

_\- Okay and ..._

_\- Well you see when the prosthesis was at the point I ... we had to give it a name... And tomorrow when I talk about it well ... It may be this name appears and even It may be that I am asked why this name..._

_\- Okay, okay and_ ...

_\- And the name is um ... Arizona_

The brunette, head down, suddenly giving a lot of interest to the tip of her toes, really intrigues Arizona

_\- Yes, I listen to you Callie, so what is the name?_

_\- I just told you: Arizona_

_\- What ? Callie I don't understand..._

_\- Arizona! fuck! The name of the prosthesis is "Arizona"_

Arizona, frowns, she's not sure she understood correctly so she repeats _"The name of your prosthesis is Arizona?"_ Callie nods with a sheepish air in a dull way

_\- You gave my first name to your prosthesis? _Repeat her wide-eyed with amazement

The leg, the prosthesis, were always the elephant in the room for them, it was not the only problem in their relationship, of course, but it had been the one they had not been able to overcome and had led to their separation, twice. Arizona had almost overcome her problems of corporal image, the prosthesis was no longer a big daily concern, she had accepted it and was rather successfully adapting with it. But Callie's almost obsessive will to repair her, the feeling that she had not been enough for her who had loved her with two legs, she had buried it very, very deep in her, with the adultery and the urge to vomit that was systematically associated with this thought. She wasn't really sure she wanted to see it all, come to the surface now, and even to be able to handle it.

_\- You are angry I was sure! Obviously, I should never have done that, it was totally inappropriate. But in fact when I realized it was too late, everything was gone: the engraving, the documents, the filing of the name, finally I could not go back! And I've ruined it again. You want me to forget your prosthesis and I give your name to mine! Finally not really mine the one I invented!_

_But when they asked me, it seemed obvious to me, it came like that. In Seattle I started this research for you. I blamed myself so much for being a bad surgeon, a bad wife. I promised you and I couldn't keep my promise, there was this fucking sepsis and you were going to die so I made the call , I had to... To save your life. I couldn't let you die anyway! But I didn't protect you, I didn't keep my promise and I knew you were going to hate me for it, you'd never forgive me._

She uttered these words, without taking the time to breathe, at breakneck speed as if she had ruminated all of this for years. Tears she can't contain flow down her cheeks.

Faced with Callie's dismay over her leg, Arizona remains silent. She is mortified by this pain that was still in the skin deep despite the years. She realizes that in reality they never really lance the boil during this period to get back on a sound basis Of course, their new beginning could only be doomed to failure. Invaded by remorse she cannot hold back, the tears that escape from her eyes.

After regaining her composure, Callie goes on, she needs to finally verbalize, everything she had refrained all this time. Arizona takes a deep breath to find the courage to hear without reacting, even though she is aware that the moment is going to be a hardship for both women, she knows that it must be done, so she has to do it

__ I didn't protect you and you were in Hell, you hated me, you hated yourself. I saw how hard it was for you, to accept yourself, to regain your autonomy, to rebuild yourself. As an orthopedic surgeon I knew all of this, I learned it in medical school, but in fact it was just words on paper. That was a fucking reality. I mean... I was in the front row! Ahead of my eyes, the woman I loved more than anything, was suffering in her flesh, in her body, in her head and I had not been able to do anything, I had been helpless. I would have given anything Arizona so you wouldn't have to go that way._

She says those words in a sob, Arizona comes closer, with her head bowed concealing her own distress and her tears, she takes Callie's hand in hers to comfort her, but she also needs this contact to be able to bear the evocation of what was one of her worst nightmare.

_I could have saved Derek's hand, but not your leg. You hated me, but I hated myself even more, but I wasn't supposed to collapse, I should help you, to go up the hill, to get your smile back. I wanted to give you back the desire. Of course I embarked on this project for you, in order for you don't have to suffer anymore, but also a little bit for me, not to be totally useless. You couldn't endure me wanting to fix you, change you, but that's not what I wanted, I just wanted you, to have a choice and not have to go through that trauma, I couldn't avoid you. Since you didn't want it anyway, you didn't want anything from me anyway so I wanted no amputee ever go experience what you've been through again._

She smiled thinking aloud

_In retrospect, I'm not sure I wasn't the one who needed to be repaired the most._

_Anyway, when I moved to New York, I didn't think I'd take over the project. I wanted to turn the page, not to hear about amputation, leg or prosthesis. But very quickly, I felt like a hollow in my stomach, it was always there, from morning to night and I knew this feeling very well, I quickly identified it, it was the lack of you. It was the same when you went to Africa, except this time it was worse because I was the one who left you alone at the airport, without our daughter in addition. I could only be angry with myself, and believe me, it's much less comfortable than being _ _mad_ _ at you. In Seattle I could always see you, at the corner of a corridor, in the cafeteria, in a meeting, those moments seemed insignificant, I did not know they were not. Here you were totally off the radar. So, it's done quite naturally, I resumed my research and I worked, worked. This project was my last connection to us, the thing that made me not screw it up. And here I am, and that's why I called it "Arizona" because you inspired, motivated it and without you I wouldn't have done it._

The two women remain for a long time in silence, without moving, fingers always intertwined, each isolated in their thoughts.

Arizona is in shock, faced with all these revelations, she resumes, she sorts, she analyzes the information to process it. She had never really measured how much Callie had suffered at the time of the crash. She remembers how distraught she was herself when Callie almost died in the car accident. When the situation had reversed, she had not allowed Callie to express her sorrow. She replays all the moments when only her selfishness guided her, horrified she sees the scene she made, the famous day of the storm, screaming to her that she didn't have to position herself as a victim of the crash.

She had been one, however she had been collateral damage, that day she had simply denied Callie's pain. Her self-centeredness had blinded her, and she had not even realized how much she had destroyed her wife How could she have been that person? How could she have wasted so much love? Really the S.S.P.T. can it be the only reason for the abject behavior she had?

Callie not knowing how to interpret this mutism, breaks the silence that weighs heavily in the room, by getting up she adds

_\- Anyway, all this does not justify that I called my prosthesis after my ex-wife, herself amputated! Oh, say it like that, sounds like a little psychopathic!_

Arizona holds her by the arm and forces her to sit down again. It is no longer time to hide, she must finally rise to the occasion silence her demons and this propensity to keep everything she feels inside her.

_\- Callie I don't see things the way you do, except for the psychopathic part_

She tries a joke to find the strength to speak. Callie looks her in the eye waiting anxiously for what she is going to say. After having taken a deep breath, having stroked the tip of her nose several times, in order to take the time to choose the words, she launches

_\- I think during all these years I forgot to thank you. Thank you for saving me, several times. You medically_ _saved me by making the decision to cut off my leg. There was no other solution and I could not have done it, I had no foresight. At that time I was no longer a doctor, I was just a woman terrorized of losing her integrity. Thank you Callie for doing it for me._

The Latina can't bear Arizona's gaze as much as she hears upsets her. It was the center of her pain for so long. Her ex-wife takes her by the chin and pulls up her face to face her so that she can measure the sincerity of her words.

_\- Thank you Callie for psychologically _ _saving me, by not letting go. You supported me anyway, I was horrible but you stayed by my side. I couldn't have made it without you. I was angry at everything, against what was happening to me, and I was going after you. I'm sorry about that. I wish you'd never seen me like that, that you'd mourn the one I was before the crash, like you were crying Marc. I would like to die, so that you would remember the strong, cheerful and _ a little slutty girl_ that I was and that you had loved, not that aggressive _cripple _ that could only arouse pity. I survived, thanks to you and _Sofia. _You saved me! And whatever you think, Callie, you protected me. Callie,_ _ you hid from me for years, that it was Alex who had amputated me,_ _ so I'd still have a friend! You've been withholding my reproaches without saying anything for months. I don't know anyone else, capable of so much self-denial, so much love. _I sincerely beg your pardon_, because I have not seen your extreme pain. I was your wife, I should have noticed that I was dragging you into my own hell. So thank you Callie for being who you are, and for allowing me today to live, to be happy and to see our daughter grow up._

Raising Callie's chin, she erases the tears that flow down her face, plunges into her eyes, shakes her hands in hers and_ adds:_

_\- Callie I need you to do one more thing for me_

Callie can only answer by nodding her head, the knot in his throat prevents the slightest sound from coming out

_\- I really want you to stop feeling guilty with my leg, you were amazing and I think I'm the only one who can judge that? So could you please, for once, obey without arguing? You've been wonderful all along, I couldn't dream of a better wife. Couldn't we forget that fucking leg once and for all?_

Then joking, seeking to ease the tension, she exaggerates the flattered air

_-Besides, now you gave my name to your revolutionary prosthesis, the loop is closed. _

_\- So you're not mad about the name , are you? _

_\- _I find it a little strange, _ but I guess it's normal for a psychopath, I think I'm a bit flattered actually, it would have really offended me if you called it "steak knife" or "Erika" or _ _Pe.._ _. _ _Anyway, _ _I__ can handle it I __ imagine myself in cocktail receptions_

" _oh my god Arizona? Is that really your first name? but it was you, who inspired the famous and talented orthopedic surgeon, but wasn't she your ex-wife" ..._

Callie rises, inventing a new scenario that she plays theatrically

_"- I introduce Dr. Robbins, the rising star of fetal surgery, the largest pediatric surgeon in the country and in addition the wife, oops ex-wife sorry,who invented a prosthetic leg that bears her name. _

_-__ Oh my God, but why did she do such a thing? _

_-Because she amputated her! With her own hands!__"_

They literally both explode in a life-saving laugh. Callie laughs so hard that she risks waking Sofia up. Arizona closer to her to put her hand over her mouth and stifle her laughter, as their gaze cross, Arizona lowers eyes on the fleshy lips that she loved so much and forgetting the fears, control and stay on track she can't resist the desire to brush Callie's mouth for a tender and languorous kiss.

When their lips separate anticipating Arizona panic, Callie holds her in her arms, whispering in her ear.

_\- Please don't run away_

_\- Technically it seems difficult to me, I would like to point out that you are in my room! _Arizona refutes a shy smile on her face

_\- Can I stand there, just against you for tonight? Just that night ... to give me courage for tomorrow_

_\- Hum, Doctor Torres emotional blackmail! You're ready for anything?_

_"Oh yes I am! I'm really, _sighing Callie, _but right now I'm just a poor, super stressed doctor._

Callie raises her head to watch Arizona, her tender smile assures her that she won. The blonde leaning her head towards her ex-wife feigns resignation

_\- Just a hug from a young high school student then._

_\- Promised_

_\- And tomorrow morning you wake up and leave before Sofia gets up. All right? I don't want her to find us in the same room._

_\- Are you afraid that seeing her mothers in the same bed traumatizes her? _Callie replies ironically

_\- Callie!_

_\- Okay teenage hug and I leave before Sofia wakes up I promise!_

She hastens to slip into bed, near Arizona which was lying on her back, she lays her head on her shoulder snuggling in her neck, breathing her perfume. By closing her eyes, she understands what is meant by "Proust's madeleine", memories rise to the surface she falls asleep remembering all the happy moments they experienced, which had come to be overshadowed by the dramas they had undergone.

Arizona fondles the dark hair for a long time, she thinks she might never tire of such moments she hears that Callie fell asleep at the rate of her breathing that changed. Smiling, she remembers that detail that always let her know if she was awake. Callie's breath in her neck makes her feel good, everything that has been said, set her free , she feels peaceful

Other questions remain, however, unanswered, it will be for another day, she just wants to savor the moment she has dreamed so many times during those years of remoteness. She also sinks into a deep sleep.

**Thank you for reading**


	12. Chapter 12 Joke's on you

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

_You are really adorable. Thank you again so much for all the reviews, followers and favorite additions. It is extremely rewarding and really makes me want to continue. I will try to answer individually to the notices as soon as I can, my priority being to publish regularly. Thank you very much._

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**Chapter 12: " Joke's on you"**

The next morning when Arizona wakes up, she is alone in bed, she hears Sofia and Callie joking. She hadn't slept so peacefully for ages. The breath, the perfume, the warmth of Callie have been so lacking in her all these years ,all the tremendous efforts made to forget them, have just been swept away in a few hours. She is confused, she doesn't skip that night they crossed the red line and certainly they shouldn't have. Today, however, is the big day for Callie, then she must hide her doubts, her fears and accompany the orthopedic surgeon as she committed herself. Even though she had often failed, she wants to be that person for Callie, this one we can count on. She gets up and finds Callie surprisingly fit, Sofia runs into her arms.

_\- Did you sleep well mom, did you have sweet dreams?_

_\- Great! and you my chip?_

Callie approaches the blonde, drops a kiss on her cheek and exclaims, while casting a look full of innuendo in Arizona

_\- If anyone is interested, I slept great too, super well, and it's been a long time since I had such lovely dreams! _ _Who must be in good shape today_?

Arizona feeling the terrain slippery, replicating in a deliberately detached tone.

_\- About it, how do you want to do that? Because if you want to have a little time alone, to focus, Sofia and I can go out, if you'd rather we stay with you, you say it and we'll do whatever you want. Isn't that right Sofia?_

Callie seems annoyed that the allusions about the intimacy of the night are abandoned, to fall into the banalities of the organization of the day she fears

_\- Uh... no you can stay, maybe it's better anyway._

_\- Okay, So you're gonna have a nice breakfast, and then if you want, _Sofia and I are gonna run you a bath full of foam and scented oils so you can relax. Is that all right?_. _

Callie the air grieved protests

_\- But if I am alone in this bath I will think about the conference and I will panic and then I have to repeat my speech in front of someone._

_\- I'm coming with you in the bath Mama!_ ! We'll have fun, so you'll forget about the meeting_! _ Sofia exclaims thrilled at the idea of playing in the water with her mother

Arizona can't repel a smirk, seeing Callie's face, whose she had of course grasped the intentions.

_\- It's a great idea Sofia let's go_ ! smiling mockingly at Callie _ I'll prepare everything in the bathroom , ducklings and games of all kinds you will have fun!_

_\- Great! _Sofia howls rejoiced

_\- Yeah great, _whisper Callie upset

Arizona leaves the room not concealing her joy at seeing the brunette caught in her own trap.

Alone in the living room while her ex-wife and their daughter noisily play games in the bathroom, Arizona thinks that life is sweet, simple, everything flows so easily with Callie, as at the beginning of their relationship. Everything came back as a reflex, natural without forcing herself. The last few years had been so difficult, every day had become so complicated that it had finally obscured the happiness and passion that united them, they had loved each other passionately and despite this, they have woefully hurt each other. That is why, it was necessary to take a distance, they had renewed strong ties, they should not be spoiled by igniting by nostalgia. Her love affair with Callie was a thing of the past, but being away from this woman now, seemed unthinkable to her, thus, they had found the right compromise; they were now co-parents and friends, they could no longer get lost, that is why she was there for, and only for that.

Her considerations are interrupted by the arrival of the lady of her thoughts, the bathrobe carelessly closed, the hair shaggy as if she had just fought a battle.

_\- Thank you so much! I think I'm relaxed for a month, but the bathroom is a real pool_, _Sofia has put water everywhere._

Arizona can't stop smiling at the painting. No matter the situation, the outfit, she always finds her absolutely gorgeous. She hastened to cast it out that thought.

_\- All right I got it , go get ready_

_\- Ari ... _Callie can't finish her sentence, rushes to the toilet.

After asking Sofia to dress Arizona joins her

_\- I would seem it's now that you need someone to hold your hair_

_\- No someone, only YOU, I need only you Arizona._

Callie replies between two nausea, meaning Arizona, that she could not have this familiarity with anyone else.

Arizona feels growing up, Callie needs her, relies on her, she is also finally able to be her rock, her anchor as she could have been so long ago.

She approaches the brunette, massages her head to calm her down, pronounces the words that Callie needs, as she had already done on several occasions

In spite of the great confusion in her mind, she feels deep down that she has returned to her place, where she was always supposed to be

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**Thank you for reading**


	13. Chapter 13 I've met a ghost

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

**Answer to guess:** _I 'm agree with you,_ _actually Arizona __ seems to be changing, she still struggles against her anxieties and resentments, although she doesn't hide her feelings but it is part of the character who is always hesitant in the commitment but who really does it, when she jumps the step. In my opinion their meeting can not be easy __they both have a long history to process, so you're gonna have to be patient...THANKS FOR REVIEWS FAVORITE AND FOLLOWERS_

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**Chapter 13 " I've met a ghost"**

The conference was a great success. As agreed, Arizona and Sofia were in the front row and had supported Callie by the look

throughout her presentation, so that she had reached the end, with an assurance which she herself was astonished at.

She had even managed to control the emotion that overwhelmed her, when she recalled the work she had begun in

Seattle, with Derek , uttering a posthumous tribute to her friend, the great neuro - surgeon gone too soon.

Arizona had been impressed by Callie's so accurate description of how amputees felt . Taking a discreet look to her ex-wife She had

placed her sheets cards on the desk, and spontaneously she had described the various steps on the physical level of course, but also

emotionally step, as if she herself had lived this experience. She also explained the trauma of the surgeon who has to make that

ultimate call.

The "Arizona prosthesis" certainly represented a revolution for the recovery of the patient's autonomy but also by this fact, an

invaluable, comfort for the caregiver.

Arizona was moved, admiring and absolutely mesmerized by Callie's words, her ex-wife was an exceptional surgeon, technically she

was just great. But to the abilities of the surgeons are added precious human qualities that make her the fascinating being that she is.

All the people who counts as leaders in the scientific field is present, everyone congratulates her, and agrees to ensure that it is a

major breakthrough for amputees.

While she's busy with sponsors, potential investors, laboratories, colleagues, Callie's gaze is irrepressibly attracted to Arizona. She sees

her in great conversation with a very beautiful woman with brown hair and impeccably smoothed, who literally devoured Arizona with

her big blue eyes. This vision bothers her to a point that she would not have not imagined. She manages to free herself and sneak in

to approach the two women.

_\- Hey Callie ! It was great! you were wonderful oh and then, I listened to people's comments, you were unanimous, they really praised you!_

Callie pays no attention to Arizona's enthusiastic compliments, she can't help but observe the brunette who had been strangely

neglected to introduce her. Shaking hands to this woman she already hated, she greets her in an abnormally cold tone.

_\- You are apparently an acquaintance of my wife?_

_\- Ex-wife _corrects Arizona without thinking, immediately blaming herself for having done so.

Callie throws a black look at her, of those Arizona doesn't like at all.

_\- Yes sorry, so I said, you are an acquaintance of my __**Ex**__-wife._ Insisting on the **ex** for the blonde who was beginning to see this exchange in a bad eye.

_\- Uh yes, you could say that. But then, a really, very good acquaintance_

The woman answers, purposely wanting to be enigmatic. As she introduces herself, she shakes Callie's hand energetically.

_\- I am really delighted to put a face on a name Doctor Torres. I've heard a lot about you in Seattle. Your work is really very inspiring_

_\- Personally I have not had the opportunity to hear from you. Who might you be? _

_\- Oh sorry, Eliza Minnick, orthopedic surgeon!_

_\- Callie_ ...

Arizona does not expect to be witnesses of a verbal sparring match that had nothing cordial and really wishing to put an end to this embarrassing situation , interrupts the exchange between her exes

_\- Judith's mother invited Sofia to sleep tonight, I gave her permission. I thought you wouldn't mind and I didn't want to bother you with that kind of detail today._

_\- No problem _

Callie answers more dryly than she would have liked. Without the shadow of a doubt, this Minnick had slept with Arizona, and seeing

as she was looking at her, she certainly intended to do it again. This idea boils the hot-blooded latin woman. Yet she knows that it is

not legitimate, they have been divorced for several years, and in addition she is the one, who wished the separation. But when she's in

this state, she can't reason with herself, she can't help herself, and thinking about it, except Arizona Robbins, no one puts her in such

level of anger.

_\- Callie, hey Callie! _Arizona is kicking her on the arm_. Where are you? I'm talking to you._

She knew too well where Callie's thoughts were taking her. Yesterday's demons re-emerged and Arizona had experienced them too

much, had suffered too much not to recognize and fear them.

_\- What ?_

_\- I told you that I was going to drive Sofia to her friend's, I leave you to your fans. See you later and again congratulations !_

Dr. Minnick had imposed herself and had not seen fit to have the discretion to walk away during this exchange and letting space to the

mothers so that she greets Callie and leaves at the same time as Arizona and Sofia.

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**Thank you for reading**


	14. Chapter 14 Reality always finds a way

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

_OK guys I feel that getting Eliza in, has pissed off some of you. It's really nice how invested you are in this story, I love it anyway. Thanks for reading me and staying with me._ _All opinions are welcome_._ This chapter has been very long and very difficult for me to translate ,_ _I thought I 'll ever see the end_ ,_so I hope there is not too much errors . In advance, sorry for it._

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**Chapter 14 " Reality always finds a way of creeping "**

A few hours later, Callie returns home. The evening was a great success, but something prevents her from enjoying what should have been her victory. She wasn't gonna lie to herself , she knows perfectly well, why she was hurting, the reason for being unwell. Arizona was gone with that woman and to say that she was upset, was an understatement. She had hoped to see her reappear during the reception, after she drop off Sofia, but she hadn't come back, perhaps, had she preferred to spend time with her former love conquest? and maybe even... It is obsessed with this image that swirls in her head, that she sees the open door of the guest room occupied by Arizona and where they had spent last night snuggled together, she's walking forward, and at the sight of the empty room, everything lights up. She collapses, nothing had changed, why did she consider that they might have another chance? It will always be the same, gentleness will always be follow by the violence of pain as strong much as she loves Arizona she must resign herself, this relationship is toxic.

On her side after driving her daughter to Judith's for the night, Arizona didn't know what to do. She had observed Callie's reaction and this, had revived mortifying memories. She had deliberately fled the party under Sofia's alibi. It was certainly not the right reaction, she should have faced Callie, or even reassured her, explained to her who Eliza was, but here is, as soon as she gets tricky, she's lost, she misjudges the situation, she panics and she flees. It's the _very typical_ Arizona not in her best moment nevertheless. But still Callie's exaggerating. She has no right to reproach her for a relationship when she had left her, they were divorced and she was gone to New York! What did she think she was going to let herself die? She had spent enough time waiting for her, to no avail... Callie's reaction was unwarranted, absolutely unacceptable. Arizona she was losing her temper alone , but deep inside her, she knew why Callie reacted in this way. As a jealous first category in their relationship, she could even understand it.

She cheated on her with Lauren and it wiped her. This survival relationship she had with Murphy, even though they were apart, had terribly hurt her, disappointed her too. In reality Callie had never recovered from it and by her selfish behavior, Arizona had ruined her wife's unfailing esteem that she felt for her. Callie had never been able to forgive, and would certainly never forgive her. In court, for Sofia's custody she'd even let her lawyer insinuate that she was some kind of sex crazed. She thought this cheap shot was some kind of revenge from her ex-wife.

At this thought tears escaped in spite of herself, with a furious gesture she wipes them, she wants to put an end to this story ,she can't keep blaming herself, all of that devastated her too. It will always be the same, nothing had changed, it will always end in pain, and tears, in all her existence, no one has ever made her cry as much as Calliope Torres. She was in her car parked in a parking lot for hours, remembering her life, when she realized it was 2 o'clock in the morning.

As she enters the apartment taking care not to make any noise, she finds Callie asleep on the couch. On the ground, the empty bottle of Tequila testifies to the evening the brunette spent. She hates the idea of Callie drinking when she's sad, and she hates even more, being the cause of that. She takes a blanket and puts it on her, fondly passing hands in black hair whispers while sighing

_"You're going to drive me crazy Calliope Torres"_

In the morning when Callie meets her in the mirror she looks like, a Picasso painting. In response to grief she put herself head upside down with Tequila. At her age it would be time for her to show a little more maturity, to learn to manage her emotions otherwise. Her skull is so sore that she feels like she is hit by a train every time she was moving her head. She's desperately looking for an aspirin when she sees at the end of the corridor, Arizona handing her a glass of water and the coveted medicine

_\- Is that what you're looking for?" I mean, I think you're gonna need it anyway._

Callie surprise and somewhat grumpy takes the drug gently tense

_\- Thank you . Did you sleep here finally?_

_\- Of course I do! Where do you want me to sleep? Look, we'll have to pick up Sofia in the middle of the afternoon, but I think you're going to need to recover, I can handle it._

Arizona's strategy to hijack the conversation, is failing. Callie resumes the provocation even though she knows perfectly how it can sadly end.

_-Your night ended well with your ex-acquaintance, or... girlfriend, or quickie on call room, hard to know with you!_

_\- Wow, very elegant Callie, I see that you still have an extremely rewarding image of me. I 'm gonna pretend that these words were only related to the alcohol fumes that you apparently abused last night._

She said uttered these words with tears in her eyes that she no longer knew was due to the anger or pain she felt. Arizona has always had a liberated sexuality, she never hid from it, she's never been ashamed of it, there was even a time when she was pretty proud of it. But Callie's reproaches, are for her another level, they will always relate to the loss of confidence, the esteem and finally the love of her ex-wife, they will always come back her of her mistakes, her guilt. For now, she has heard enough, she no longer wants to suffer the humiliations, the reproaches, she joins her room with the firm intention of taking a shower, dressing and leaving the apartment to avoid the confrontation that clearly Callie is looking for.

Callie did not move, stunned to have been able to utter these words. But how dare she said that ? But what was wrong with her? She has no right to be jealous , Arizona hasn't been her wife for years, and she just has to blame herself for it.

Considering that the only thing to do is to apologize immediately, she enters the Arizona room forgetting in her eagerness to announce herself, she discovers the blonde half undressed, flabbergasted, to see Callie in the middle of her room.

_\- Callie shit!_

The woman immediately turning back replies to the blonde, looking jaded

_\- Yes, I'm sorry! It's not like I've never seen you before_

_\- But still ... _Callie, ignoring the protests interrupts her

_\- Arizona listens to me! I'm sorry, really, really sorry I ... I had no right... it's not fair, I'm no fair. But it's just… I was hoping that we would spend the night together you see. Without you I would never have had the courage to do it, and I would have wanted you to be there, by my side, until the end. When I saw the way this woman was looking at you, _the tears started flowing in spite of her, I_ understood that I was in danger one more time , that... that it was happening again..._

Arizona, sensing the sobs in Callie's voice, had turned her over to face her. She hugged her tenderly, she wiped her tears, she could never bear to see Callie sad and even less crying

_\- Hey, hey stop, stop. What danger is Callie? What's happening again?_

_\- I'm going to lose you again, I'm always losing you. But I know , I know it's none of my business now_

_\- Yet, It is. _shrugging her shoulders she says it in a low voice for herself, without Callie been able to heard it

_Callie, look at me, Eliza is just a ghost, she ghosts to me !_

_\- What?_

_\- Thanks god, you don't know what it means too, __I'm not the only one who's aged_

Callie somewhat disconcerted by Arizona's ramblings, raises an interrogator eyebrow

_-_ _Can you tell me the beginning of the film because I don't understand it anymore_

_\- __It doesn't matter at all__. In any case I wasn't with the doctor Minnick last night_

_\- But where were you then?_

_\- In a parking lot! _Arizona accompanies these words with a dismayed little mine by the banality of the place, the ridiculousness of the situation.

_\- Where?_

_\- I spent the night in a parking lot! Alone, in my car _

_\- But what were you doing in a parking lot!_

_\- I was thinking_

_\- Do you need a parking lot to think ?_

Arizona smiles at the childish remark, she sits on the bed, letting out a deep sigh, which reflected all the tensions, the emotions, the feelings that run around in her tortured mind

_\- Only when I don't know what to do, or where to go... You were obviously very angry and I didn't want that, I don't want that anymore, Callie. I don't want to let you treat me like that anymore, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I cheated on you and you will never accept it, it will never pass because you never wanted to talk about it. You decided, on your own, why I made this mistake, but you have never, ever allowed me to explain. I respected it, because I could see that you couldn't bear to think about it, and maybe I couldn't either. But it was always there between us like a latent virus, always ready to trigger the infection. And it still is. I spent years keeping my mouth shut because I was ashamed of what I had done, of the harm I had done to you, and I would have accepted anything to make you forgive me. But __I_ _can't keep up with yours__ outbursts of anger on a regular basis.__. You can't call me a nymphomaniac every time you're scared, you're jealous or upset. I paid this mistake the high price, believe me, I hated myself so much and for so long, I don't want to feel guilty anymore, I can't anymore Callie_

All these feelings buried in her for so long were delivered, in one breath, with the utmost sincerity, as if everything had to be evacuated once and for all. Callie had listened to her, without taking her eyes off her, submerged by a desire she could no longer control, she takes the blonde's face in her hands and kisses her passionately, it's almost violent. Arizona can't find the strength to resist. Callie walking her hands on her bare chest, moaning at the newfound feeling of the softness of Arizona's skin, she ventured to the places she knew that she reacted, as if despite the years she had kept everything in memory.

_\- Calliope, I... I think that we don't_ ... She tries a weak protest but she abandons herself in a groan, leaving her invaded by the desire so long repressed. She never knew how to resist the Latin woman, who hugs her more strongly kissing her with enthusiasm

_\- Say something to stop me now, otherwise in a second and a half I won't be able to do it anymore?_

In response Arizona presses her lips against that of Callie deepening their kiss, meaning that for her the second and a half has already passed. They unite tenderly, regaining that perfect moment that none of them had forgotten. Exhausted by so many emotions they doze off for a while, their naked bodies entwined.

When Callie opens her eyes, Arizona stares at the ceiling, totally absorbed in her thoughts. She knows that nothing is settled and that even if she dreamed of such a moment, for years, it would complicate everything. She is not fooled, Callie has dodged discussion with sex.

It was a method that they abused during their marriage, whenever there was a problem. It is true that on this ground at least, they had always been in perfect harmony. They were definitely falling back into all their troubles, it couldn't work. As her negative thoughts hover in her head, Callie stand up to capture the anxious gaze of her ex-wife.

_\- I think I can now!_

Face the Arizona's questioning look she repeats

_\- I think I'm ready to listen to you now_

_\- Pardon? Listen to me on what?_

_\- This is the perfect time to end the conversation we had, just before I had an irresistible desire to make love with my__** Ex**__-wife._

She ironically insists again on The **Ex**, referring to the scene of the previous day the night before

_\- Yes I'm sorry, it was silly I shouldn't have raised it, but I don't know why ... I was uncomfortable, there was you and Eliza it was tricky. I said that without thinking. You know my humor sucks pretty bad, especially when I panic._

_\- It was even more silly of me to offend_

_\- It is true that you are so picky sometimes! _Jokes Arizona

_\- Arizona! You said I never let you explain yourself, but it seems that you're the one who avoids it._

_"No, no, no, no, no! Well I mean, yes. Eurr... It's hard!_

_\- What can I do to help?_

_\- Nothing… Hum… finally though, listen to me and please don't interrupt me._

_\- My lips are sealed, I swear _retorts Callie, walking her hand with a tender gesture on Arizona's arm to hearten her

_\- When I found myself amputee, you know how horrible it was?_

_\- Uh, have I to answer or not interrupt you ?_

_\- Callie!_

Callie resumes affectionately

_\- Sorry, yes, I know how hard it was, every second of every day._

_\- Physical pain frankly is nothing compared to psychological harm. I'd always been a pretty, successful girl. Before I met you, I used to flirt in gay bars and I always came home with the girl I wanted..._

_\- Hum well, maybe could you shorten this_ _part?_ ...

Arizona concentrated as if of the choice of words her life depended on, doesn't even raise the sarcasm of the Latina.

_\- Seriously, I practically assaulted you in the bathroom of a bar when I didn't know you. I had never had to deal with failure. I had successfully completed my studies, everything I did was easy for me. And suddenly I wake up disabled, Di Sa Bled Callie!_

She utters her words insisting on the enormity of this topic as if it still seemed unbelievable to her.

_\- My body was irretrievably crippled. Before that, I trusted on myself, in my seductive power I was mischievous and playful and always cheerful, but when I lost my leg, I also lost all of that, everything that was me. I got lost. You had fallen in love with me before, you had loved what I was no longer, and that I thought I could never be again. You married a woman but you were living with someone else. You were so devoted, so kind, you were trying to bring me back and I'm sure without you, I'd be dead, but I always felt like you wanted me back, you wanted to fix me so I could be the same, the old one again._

She paused to pull herself together, Callie kept her head down, not to react, she was listening to the description of the most heartbreaking of her life, but seen through Arizona's pain. She knew it was necessary if she wanted to have a chance and at this moment, Callie wanted it more than anything.

_\- I thought that never again, you could not satisfy yourself with the one I had become_. _I hated_ _my_ _body, I could not imagine that you could love it. I couldn't take it out of my mind, that it wasn't why you signed for. But you have such a sense of duty, such values, you are so loyal that you felt compelled to stay. This pity made me so miserable, so angry. __I no longer had any confidence or esteem in me__. We had just lost the baby, we were not able to handle yet another pain, another drama together. I felt lonely, I felt that everything I approached ended in disaster. It was so dark in my mind_

_When a woman wanted me as I was, even with one leg, I thought I was saved, it made me feel like before, like I saw myself in your eyes before, I mixed everything Callie. I just wanted to stop hurting, being afraid, for a moment. Everything was so confused in me. I regretted it immediately, because I loved you, I knew it, I was sure. But why it had happened, why I gave in to this impulse urge, at that time I did not understand it. It wasn't me, I lost myself Callie. In the end everything was worse, I hated myself even more for what I had done and for the harm I was doing to you. In addition to being disabled I was the monstrous cheater, who slept with the nearest, who cheated on her loving and devoted wife. You'll never know how sorry I am for breaking us._

The evocation of these memories so oft-repeated and regretted make her collapse in tears. She would have liked to be stronger, but apparently it was still an open wound for Arizona.

Callie takes her in her arms, cradling her, like a new born. She can't bear to see her like that, she would give anything to make her pain go away. Arizona cried for a long time on Callie's chest, whose protective arms around her. Her body gently relaxed under the tender caresses. She raises her head in order to resume, Callie tries to reassure her

_\- My love it is too hard, you don't have to. I promise you, I have forgiven you, you have to forgive yourself now_

She fondly rubbed her back to calm the sobs, Arizona wanted to express all that she had kept in her, during years, let out the demons

_\- I'd still like to tell you too, but... I don't know if you can hear it_

With the eyes, Callie encourages her to free herself

_\- When Lauren flirted with me, I thought about you all the time, and I swear, I swear I refused her advances. I told her that I was married and that I loved you, but I think she had felt the flaw. She pushed, pushed until I gave in. She said me I had the right to lose control. Really, it was all I needed, to stop controlling everything, to hide the pains of the ghost limb at home, at work, during the day, the night, to stop hiding everything I felt, to try to be normal despite everything ,to be the mother that Sofia deserved, to become your wife again, you need it so much, the super gifted surgeon I was. I'm not trying to clear myself of any responsibility, but I never understood why. Why did she do that, I mean, she must have realized that I was vulnerable! Who does that? I don't know if it was a game for her..._

_\- May be a bitch. Yes, I think the doctor Boswell was a bitch and I was an idiot blinded by my own pain and my oversized ego. I should_ _ have seen that you were also hurt, I should not have pushed you so much_

Although she is still deeply disturbed by the evocation of the scene, Callie measures how much Arizona had stopped loving herself at that time and how lonely and hard the path had been. It had totally escaped her she had been impatient and pressured her to come back into life. She blamed her for her selfishness, when Arizona was making every effort, out of love for her and for Sofia, for their families. She had only pushed her in instead of helping her, she was a doctor and had not even become aware that she was suffering from S.S.P.T. Really the wrongs are never one-sided. She comes out of her self-flagellation, to reassure the distraught blonde woman.

_\- A game? Why would you want it to be a game? Arizona, she wanted you. Because you're very desirable believe me. You are a beautiful woman, you are a beautiful person, you are the sweetest kindest surgeon I know, you are brilliant, everything you do, you succeed, you have the most beautiful eyes on earth and you kept a child's smile, and then many other things that my natural decency, forbids me to express aloud_

She adds these last words in the tone of the joke wishing to de-dramatize the situation.

_\- She __fell f__or you, Arizona, because everyone loves you, and that's why I can be so stupid with jealousy, because for me you were and you're still beautiful. I swear,_ _I swear, I still couldn't believe that woman as beautiful, as strong, as brilliant was my wife, one or two legs never changed that. Could you finally understand the love I had for you was really above that. _

Arizona gives her a sweet kiss, as if she still needed to hear it to convince herself that she was sufficient even for Calliope Torres and silence this insecurity forever

_\- I suspect you, however, not being very objective_

_\- You may be right there is a conflict of interest because I love you._

Arizona closes her eyes for a few seconds so these words as sweet as they may seem, hurt her. Callie calls her my love, she tells her that she loves her, but until when. She cannot forget that one day Calliope Torres wanted to feel free, had stopped loving her and she was living the perfect great love with the perfect Penny, and she, had suffered so, so much.

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**Thank you for reading**


	15. Chapter 15 Days follow each other

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

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_Juste a short chapter to introduce another of their for reviews and __everything_

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**Chapter 15: Days follow each other but are not the same**

Callie, with her nose into the files, could not concentrate. Arizona seemed extremely distant and troubled for several weeks. Returning late and leaving early, adjusting by text the daily for Sofia, she really seemed to do everything to avoid Callie; On second thought, it was since the day, they had sex. She thought that they had found each other, that their exchange had been positive and would allow them to rebuild on new solid foundations this time, that they would finally start again getting off on the right foot.

Still, it was blatant Arizona was walking away, she didn't understand. Maybe she didn't give her enough time? Maybe she scared her? Or maybe she just didn't want a fresh start and it was just a drive for old times' sake? Perhaps even, she regretted. Absorbed in considering the various hypotheses, and decided to talk soon to the blonde, she doesn't see Arizona heading towards her with a firm _step_.

_-You've got a second? I'd like to talk to you_

Callie jumps to the tone used by her ex-wife

_-Uh hello, I'm happy to see you too_

_\- Yes hi. So, do you have time?_

_\- Is it urgent? Because I'm going back to the O.R._ in 15 minutes for a long procedure.

Arizona seems upset,

_\- No, forget it, it'll wait, I don't want to interfere with your concentration, let's meet at the bar when you're done, and we'll have a drink._

Callie tries to joke to lighten the mood

_\- Like a date?_

_\- No! Not like a date Callie, rather as a conversation that we must have without Sofia's presence_

The tone was dry, Arizona was closed like an oyster, her face was serious, not even a slight smile on her lips. It was the Arizona in bad days and it didn't bode well.

The surgery was laborious, on the one hand because she had encountered unforeseen and unpredictable difficulties, and on the other hand she could not help thinking back the Arizona tone, and dread what was going to fall on her, yet another tile she was certain of it. Anyway Arizona was blowing hot and cold, and it was starting to seriously irritate her. She had promised herself to be patient, but still, you had to know what you wanted in life, you had to know if you want to get involved or was rushing through her head and it is very upset that she leaves the hospital to join the bar, as agreed.

Arizona is already sitting in front of a glass, her attitude has changed, she looks more relaxed, she smiles at the arrival of Callie.

_\- I ordered you a drink, they have this St Emilion that you _love. _Is that still your favorite?_

_-Yes. Perfect. Thank you_

_\- So your intervention?_ _Well gone_?

_-Complicated_

_\- What was it?"_

Callie wishing to put an end to the suspense maintained by the chatter of Arizona gets impatient

_-Arizona I doubt you brought me here to discuss oenology or medicine, so please, don't beat around the bush!_

_-Okay, well so... I wanted to tell you that I had found an apartment and that it would be available in a month, I wanted to see with you if it was okay, if it wasn't too long, because I can also go to the hotel in the meantime, and then there's Sofia, we'd have to agree on custody and I was wondering if we 'd explaining it to her now, or if we'd wait, and if you'd rather we do it together or I'll do it alone?_

Here it was done, she had delivered the message that had been running for several days in her mind, although it seemed less confused when she had repeated it in her head.

Callie takes the hit, she expected everything but not this. In response to this succession of questions, she just drinks in one shot, without uttering a word, without taking a look at Arizona. With a gesture towards the server she orders another drink. She digests the information she rephrased it to make sure she understood it correctly. Arizona had just told her clearly, that once again she was running away.

Faced with the unusual muteness of the latina, Arizona pretty embarrassed, is no longer quite sure that she was right, she now fears to have been clumsy. All those days she had convinced herself that this was the only thing to do and now that she had verbalized it she was less convinced, and then Callie looked really, really upset and she hates to seeing her like that.

_\- Callie, you're not going to say anything?_

Callie seeks her breathing deeply she focuses on finding her calm, she does not want to be overwhelmed by the emotion that leads her systematically to anger and then to hurtful phrases, and then to inextricable situations.

_-Frankly Arizona, I have to admit it, but I haven't got a leg to stand on._

_-Oh well for me it's easier! I have many legs_

_-It's not funny Arizona, I don't really feel like laughing_

_-Ah sorry I thought ..._

She cuts her firmly

_\- I thought we had moved forward recently, I thought we had found each other I thought we had met again, whereas in reality we find ourselves once again discussing Sofia's custody. I don't know what to say to you anymore, we'll do whatever you want and like you want, because I'm tired of fighting windmills, I don't have the soul of Don Quixote anymore. Life can't always be so complicated Arizona!_

On these words she rises to leave adding

_\- I'm going back to the hospital to do my patient's post op, I will call Sofia before she falls asleep._

Arizona follows her down the street and stops her by standing in front of her, thus preventing her from continuing on her way.

_\- Hey don't take things high, Callie Torres, you should think about being an adult, it's not just you and me in the story. We have a daughter and I don't want her to pay for our incessant separations anymore. One day you love me, the next day you don't love me anymore and you want to feel free, then you shout all over the place that you've found love, the real, the one, the one for a lifetime, and then suddenly you love me again. What about your great love? Do you remember? The one for which you separated me from my daughter, is no longer on the agenda? When are you going to stop loving me for someone else? How long before I suffocate you again? And what would you want ? I would have to go with you again with my eyes closed! Why? Because we had sex? Seriously, you really think it's enough to get back together? Apparently not! It didn't stop you from crashing me into the therapist's office the next day. I'm sorry, I can't believe it, I can't believe it anymore and I don't want Sofia to suffer anymore._

Callie stoic, observes Arizona painfully pouring out her anger, her anguish and her resentments. She listens to the verbal marathon of her ex-wife, with sadness.

Defeated, she nods accepting the reproaches that she herself so often makes. Hearing them in Arizona's mouth mortifies her even if they are deserved. She knows that her behavior had only fuelled the fears, the insecurities that Arizona had always had.

From the beginning of their relationship because of her bi-sexuality she had always been afraid that Callie would not be perfectly satisfied with her, and it was not her relationship with Marc while she was in Africa, which could reassure her , then the loss of the leg had long deprived her wife of trust and she was always afraid of not being enough for her, to the point of having done everything to make things unforgivable and unconsciously or not, push Callie to leave her.

Arizona, who realized that she had raised her voice to the point of almost yelling at Callie in the middle of the street, swallowed and pursues more calmly.

_-Callie listens to you! My wife, my ex-wife you don't even know what I am anymore, you really don't know what you want, that's why I think if I have an apartment..._

She can't hear any more. Is she not entitled to the error as well Wishing to put an end to this discussion, she declared that disillusioned.

_-I guess, in our relationship, forgiveness is exclusively reserved for Arizona Robbins. I'm going to the hospital._

Without waiting for an answer, she leaves Arizona stunned by the veracity of the subject.

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**Thanks for reading**


	16. Chapter 16I know when you're pretending

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

_I'm sorry for the delay, but it was still a very long and very difficult chapter to translate. I don't know why,, it's harder for me right now.I hope it's easier to read. Thanks for reviews and followers and addition in favorite_

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**Chapter 16 "I know when you're pretending to sleep"**

Arizona evening was entirely occupied by Sofia, she felt the need to hug her, to give her, a long hug before put her in bed, she senses that the truce is already over. Definitely happiness is short-lived for Arizona Robbins.

She lies down in bed unable to find sleep. She is worried about Callie who has not yet returned. She regrets to be pretty harsh to Callie she didn't want things to get so bad. It must be admitted that they have still not changed, they have clashed as before, unable to listen to each other, to cool off and find common ground. She kept pointing fingers at each other, as at worst time of their relationship. She, usually so calm, ended always to lost her mind. Everything was becoming irrational, paroxystic, excessive. What made Arizona so confused was that she never had this way of working with anyone else. No one could make her as furious as Calliope Torres

It made sense no one else could hurt her as much as Callie, because you can only be hurt by the people you love and if it's proportional to love, so she had to face the obvious, she loved Callie more than anything. This thought, which was not, however, a revelation for her, made her tenderly smile. Was she going to continue to fight indefinitely against her feeling? Can we really get away from such love? Is it right to let it escape simply for fear of suffering? No one said happiness was easy and she, Arizona Robbins, the colonel's daughter, wanted to desert without fighting.

She was at this point in her reasoning, when she heard the front door closing and Callie's footsteps stopping in front of the door to her room. She feels unable to take on another fight, so she decides to turn her back on the door, to close her eyes, to put herself in a fœtal position as to protect herself from a new conflict. But the door opens and Callie comes home slowly

_-Arizona, are you sleeping?_

In view of Arizona's silence she gets closer, lies at her side, sticks her torso against the back of the still motionless blonde and passes her arms around her waist. Arizona holds a shudder at this once familiar gesture.

_-I know when you're not sleeping, you forget that I slept with you for years and I know perfectly when you're pretending to sleep. I've always known, if you know what I mean._

She refers to the many months during which Arizona, traumatized, not accepting her body and unable to offer it to Callie, had abused this subterfuge. She continues in a tender lying voice

_-Well if you don't want to talk to me it doesn't matter, I just wanted you to listen to me without interrupting, and without moving, you see? Like I did last time_

Arizona reassured by the calm tone, retorts without moving from her position

_-Ok, but first know that, I could never, ever forget a single minute of the years you slept with me, second you could move the other day!_

_\- Hum! you're enough reactive for a sleeping person_

_-_ _I thought we proceed on the basis, you knew when I wasn't really sleeping _Arizona replies with a smile

Callie resumes gravely, seeking her words to be corrects

_\- I understand that you have doubts, I also understand that you no longer trust me, my feelings and that you are afraid. I am even more sorry, because love is really not involved in this_, _I know it will probably take you a while to believe that, Arizona, I've never loved _ anyone the way I've loved you, the way I love_._

_But couple therapy didn't solve anything, it just highlighted all our problems, it was violent Arizona. _  
_You charged me with so many things.__ You said, I took all the decisions for you, I didn't let you express yourself_ ,_ that I gave you things you didn't ask for, that I had imposed_ _Sofia on you. You offered a six-month break! I really felt like I had fought in vain for years, that I wasn't bringing you anything you wanted and that whatever I did, it would not work. I felt once again, like the day of your amputation, like the day we lost the baby, or the day I learned that I will no longer be able to be pregnant: helpless, useless, incompetent, insufficient. It was those feelings that was suffocating me, that slowly killing me and all of this_ s_ounded like I was suffocating you too_

_You wanted to do your certification in fetal surgery and I knew that you had to achieve something, without me. You needed this thing to have a chance to really rebuild yourself, to love yourself again, you really needed to be proud of yourself again, but it was vital that I found myself too. You were broken, but I was too Arizona_

She took a deep breath before continuing, Arizona still hasn't moved or expressed anything

_Let's face it, Arizona together we couldn't do it anymore, there was always something to pull us back. One of us must have had the courage to take on failure, and I did, for both, _as much for me as for you

_And I'll give you that, regarding the way, it was not my best time, but is there a good way to leave someone you love so much?_

_And I know, I know, I hurt you so much, but you have no idea how bad I've had. _

_I might have had to fight again, but I don't think we would have made it. How could two people, each carrying so much _unhappiness within themselves_, come to be happy together? It was not possible to heal._

_But now that I have understood all this, I want to show you that I'm not immature, that this is not a fad, that you can trust me. I will not give up, I will patiently wait for your doubts to disappear, _f_or you to no longer be afraid, we will do at your own pace, but I want you to know that I am waiting for you. Because I have healed, because I see in your smile that goes up to your eyes, that you too have healed and because I know very well who you are to me and above all I clearly know who I want you to become again. _

She lays a kiss in Arizona's neck, releases her embrace and gets up to leave the room before adding

_\- Without you, my life doesn't make sense either, Arizona_

Arizona doesn't move, curled up in bed, she cries in silence, tearing away all the emotions she had kept inside throughout Callie's speech. Everything was said. She had nothing to add. Callie had analyzed their history, their pain, their situation with such accuracy that she imagined that she had to think about it a lot. If she had done it, so it was that their relationship was important to her, it meant a lot to her.

She had never seen it in this light, she had finally persuaded herself that Callie had swept away their love with _ a _wave of the hand.

That the famous passion had been only one-sided, and that Calliope Torres had an artichoke heart from which she distributed a leaf to anyone who wanted it.

Yet what Callie had said tonight was anything but immature, she was still the one she had loved, loved and would always love :

Strong - Caring and Honorable.

It was time for her to get to the bottom to be clear, oh not about her feelings, she knows that she had never stopped loving Callie since their first when she would have wanted it she had never been able to stop loving her and had never really managed to get past their story despite the separations, the humiliations, the court and even the departure to New York with Penny and Sofia. She had forgiven Callie for a long time, she was just scared, because between them, things quickly got out of control, in front of this woman she could be frightened like a doe blinded by the headlights of a car.

She had to admit that she was totally driven by her fears since she arrived in New York, and to think about it she had often done it in her life and it, had often led her to the wrong place, to make the wrong decision and to mess in her life.

When she lost her brother Tim, her world collapsed. She never wanted to love again, to get involved in a relationship, she never wanted to need someone again to avoid the immeasurable suffering of loss. That's why she decided she wouldn't have children and that she'd collect _f_lirtation with no consequences. Then she met Calliope, she turned everything upside down in her life, she was an attraction impossible to resist, she made all her resolutions fly in thousands of shards of glass, so she loved her with her whole being, but with fear in her stomach, fear of everything but above all, she was terrified of losing her.

Any sign of trouble, she imagined that she was going to break up with her, she remembers amused the scene she made after the night in the french very expensive restaurant, assuring to Callie that if she was bored with her, it was necessary to say because there were girls lining up for her.

From the beginning, their relationship had been staked, endangered and then destroyed in part, by her insecurities.

She had also boarded that fucking plane on an impulse, because, once again, she was fleeing the loss, the loss of Nick her childhood friend, the loss of Alex in whom she invested so much and who wanted to leave for Hopkins. That escape had cost her a leg and much more. After the amputation this feeling had increased tenfold and her horrific actions always engendered by the self -destructive fear of losing Callie had led her exactly to what she feared, to separation and loss: the loss of her wife, her family.

This sounds like a revelation in her mind, Arizona had always fled to avoid losing and, at last, she had always lost what was her highest fortune of the world. Her fear of loss systematically led her to what terrified her: **loss**.

Since she arrived in New York, she kept running away and she was going to lose the woman of her life, the love of her life, the one who was ready willing to give them another chance, the one who had also made the way back to her.

She knew exactly what she wanted, she had dreamed it for so many sleepless nights, for years. She wanted her life back, the one that made her happy, and now the ball was in her court, if she didn't go looking for it, her happiness would disappear forever, it seems just at hand. It need just a bit of courage and jump off the bridge trusting the beautiful brunette who had invaded her being for years

After long minutes of meditation, trying to overcome the emotion that upset her, Arizona rises from her bed. Without really having decided, she finds herself in front of the ajar door of Callie's room, the light is off. She slowly moves towards the bottom of the bed, delicately lifts the blankets to sneak inside and gently lifts up against Callie's body, her lips stopping on sensitive places, causing the brunette to shiver.

Callie whispers in a trembling voice:

_\- Arizona? What are you doing?_

Arizona tenderly whispers a smile on her face

_\- Shut up! don't interrupt me and don't move_

_-Hum but ... I want to move_

Smiling at the remark, she puts her lips on those of the brunette silencing her in a languid kiss, and makes love to her. It was not this crazy and disorderly desire responding to long repressed frustrations, that she felt the first time they united again. It was tender,slowly, incredibly strong and intimate, without a word, attentive to the Callie 's desire and pleasure, Arizona regains possession of her ex-wife's body, showing her that way, she was here, and he was definitely returned to their love story.

When she lets a last groan escape, she keeps her in her arms, enjoying the Latina's exhilarating fragrance, who gently resumes a calm breath. A playful smile drawn on her face, plunging into the black eyes, she whispers to her

\- _Maybe my pace is a bit too fast for you? I know we didn't follow the 3-dates rule, but being married should allow us to skip certain steps. What do you think about it? _

Callie pinning the blonde to the mattress so that she is on top of her, blows up laughing.

-_Absolutely Doctor Robbins I__ fully_ _support_ _your way of thinking,_

They unite again passionately.

They were dozing off in each other's arms, exhausted by that emotionally charged night, when, appreciating the feeling of security, that the contact of her ex-wife's body has always provided her, Arizona huddled closer in the Latin body, declares

_\- Callie!_

_\- Humm_

_\- I really wanted another child with you, I really wanted to give you what you wanted, and I really wanted too_

_\- I know baby, I'm sorry_

As invigorated by the latina's reaction, Arizona rises into bed, positions herself on Callie leaning on her two elbows on both sides of the woman, plunging into the surprised black look and with a huge smile, she takes the plunge

_-_-_So … I know, I know … now you're gonna think I'm super, super, super, too fast or some kind of Bi-Polar patient but ... uh I wish we had another child._

_-What ?_

With a charming smile digging her two dimples and a shyness reading in her eyes Arizona begs

_-Could we go back to where we were before all went wrong_.

_I want a baby with you, I promised you 10 children,_ _we're already way behind schedule_

Callie is laughing

_-Seriously, Arizona for the ten children I gladly release_ _you from your promise, let's start with one more already._

_-So it's yes? Do you agree? Would you like a baby with me? _exclaims the blonde filled with joy

_-Of course I do! I always wanted it_

They embrace each other laughing, kissing wildly. The moment of euphoria passed Arizona announces firmly.

_-I want to carry our child_

_\- Arizona, are you sure? You never wanted to, you don't have to_

_-Hey I'm sure and then I actually wanted to._

Taken aback, Callie doesn't hide a dubious pout.

_-You had taken care of me so long, I wish it was a bit the opposite, that you were my princess for 9 months, and then everything went on, nothing worked as I would have liked..._

_-_ Shh, shh_, let's forget it _Callie hastens to put an end to her thoughts that could well end with one of her famous verbal marathon

_-But would you like me to carry him?_

_-If you want to, I'll be happy!_

_-But you'll still be fine? Since you can't... You know_

_\- Arizona, I carried Sofia and it was great and frankly, I took advantage of you during that time. I think I was driving you crazy, your turn to enjoy. Wow, I can't wait to see you pregnant! and I confess to also enjoying a bit of the hormone effect _supporting her words with a naughty wink

_-Yes, I do too! I think I'm going to like it! Being pregnant I mean, though, the hormone effect tempts me well too _

She said with a kinky smile, then recasting, her face worried she reflects and announces

_\- Don't tell Sofia anything_

_\- About hormones? Yes I agree she seems a little young to have this kind of conversation with her_

Arizona stifles a laugh

_\- Callie! I mean, as long as we're not sure, um….Look let's not before the ... 16th week, you see just in case. So she's not disappointed, you know?_

_\- Uh Arizona slow down! you're not pregnant yet. About Sofia we should first talk to her about us. How do you want to do that? Do you want to wait? Do you want to do it alone or together?_ _Unless you want to_ _talk first_ _ about another apartment she might live in part-time?_

Arizona banging her arm laughing at Callie's mockery in a perfect mimicry of her own speech a few hours earlier, announces as if it were a no-brainer.

_\- An apartment? What apartment? Calliope! We're going to have another child, it's not time to procrastinate, we'll talk to her tomorrow._

_\- Ah OKay!_

For a second, an expression of doubt passes over Callie's face, it looks too good to be true, Arizona has changed so much, she regained that contagious enthusiasm, that taste of life. Is it real? This does not escape the other woman who knows by heart the full range of emotions of her ex.

_" No, I'm sorry, I'm on fire, am I? You'd rather wait, I understand. We're going to ..._

_\- No, no Arizona is not that! I'm delighted, but it's that sometimes you're a little hard to follow... But I love it, I missed that part of you so much. We'll talk to our daughter tomorrow night, we're going to have another baby because we're confident and this time it's the last new start_

-_ Yes, the last new start._

Repeat Arizona's super magic smile stuck to her face

_\- Do you think I can stay and sleep with you? _ showing her seductive child mimic that she knows to be irresistible

_\- But you MUST!_ _ stay with me _requires Callie by locking her in her arms, _and tomorrow morning you will hide in your bed. You wouldn't want to traumatize your poor little girl!_

Arizona shrugs her shoulders at Callie's teasing that which has always found her hyper protective of Sofia. She holds against Callie's back, nose in her neck, in the position of the big spoon but is constantly restless. After a few minutes she mumbles

_\- Are you sleeping?_

_-I'd love to, but I have like a little worm next to me that keeps gesticulating_

_-I'm sorry to keep you from sleeping, but _I have one more thing to say to you

_-What's going on? _Callie_, _turns with a quick gesture to face the blonde _You __changed your mind?_

_\- But no! How can you ...? Anyway. Actually, I'd like to carry your child_

_\- Yes we just talked about it, I'm okay Arizona, you'll carry our child_

_\- No, you don't understand. Sofia is wonderful she got your eyes, your hair, she is stubborn, passionate like you, I want to have a mini Sofia or a mini you in my belly_

Callie opening funny googly eyes and not seeing at all, where the blond is coming from.

_\- I'm afraid even mini! We can't get in, it will run out of room there_

Arizona ignores ridiculous objections and persists

_-I've done some research and it can work! Look, well, you can't carry a child, okay, but you can ovulate._

Face Callie's perplexed gaze she explains slightly embarrassed

_\- Uh...Okay... I took a look at your medical records in Seattle_

She brushes off Callie's disapproval with a gesture, which she urges.

_\- Don't look at me like that! _ _it's not like I've broken _a_ million Washington state laws._ _You were my wife, and I'm a doctor I didn't really violate medical confidentiality!_

_ So, I was saying That I'm going to be somehow your surrogate mother, except it's going to be a little bit of both, your DNA, my uterus._

Callie seems skeptical and a little disappointed, but a silly smile doesn't leave her face in front of the craze and confidence displayed in Arizona.

_\- But I was already imagining a mini you in my arms,_ _I'll wish he had your eyes and your little dimples that make me crack_.

Arizona scratches her head for a minute and suddenly announces

_\- Okayyy! then I.V.F. with a Torres egg and a Robbins egg_

Callie explodes with laughter

_\- Nonsense! Euh… Do you think it's possible?_

_\- Are you kidding me Dr. Torres ! You have in your arms, the rising star of fetal surgery_

_\- Yes, naked in addition..._

Callie plays pride, they laugh together but suddenly a question crosses the spirit of Latin.

_\- But about this research you did it when exactly?_

_\- I remind you, that I spent several months alone in Seattle, so I had time_

She uttered her words in a sigh to make this dark period of her life disappear once and for all, and adds in a low voice

_\- And also I needed a little hope and a lot of dreams to help me hold_

Callie kisses her passionately, on reflection they could only find each other. Her place was nowhere else but in the arms of this blonde woman, to whom nothing and no one seemed to be able to resist. Her Arizona was back. Falling asleep she whispering in her ear.

_\- It's going to work and we're going to be a great family_

Arizona that had not parted with her smile repeats

_\- It's going to work and we're going to be a great family._

She feels a compelling need to add to the woman who is already sleeping by her side

_\- I love you, I love you so much Calliope_

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**Thank you for reading**


	17. Chapter 17 The Little Spider

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

_Thank you so much for all your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter._

* * *

**Chapter ****17 "The Little Spider"**

Arizona had taken a day off, to spend time with her daughter who had no school. She planned a visit to the zoo, some ice cream and a Disney party, while waiting for Callie who, had to work and had a long day, during which she would go through the surgeries. So they decided to talk to Sofia together in the evening.

In the early morning, reluctantly, but in order not to disturb her daughter, Arizona had therefore decided to go back to her room before the child woke up.

While Callie was drinking her indispensable morning cup of coffee, dreaming of the delicious night she had just spent, But which however was going to impose on her many caffeinated drinks in order to arrive at the end of this day, she sees appear a little girl furrowed eyebrows, with a black gaze who had awoken particularly early and had apparently got off the wrong foot. She kisses her mother carelessly

_-Hi Mama._

Callie is surprised, her daughter got this from Arizona. She always wakes up happy in a good mood, throwing herself into your arms for a hug, singing hoppingly, around the house and chatting all the time in the morning . She certainly didn't hold that from her who looked like a cranky, mute bear until she got her caffeine. Stroking her forehead to evaluate her temperature, she asks the child

_\- Hey, are you okay? Did you sleep well ? Are you sick?_

_-No I'm not sick, I want to see Mommy_

_-Mom is still sleeping, honey, she's not going to work today. If you want, I'll give you a very good breakfast and set you up in front of a DVD until she wakes up._

Her stubborn child retorts in a firm tone

_\- No, I have to see Mommy, and she never scolds me if I wake her up!_

Knowing that she will not change her mind, and worried about the attitude of the little girl who doesn't capitulate even for "Frozen", Callie nods.

Arizona was sleeping when she feels a tiny human, climb into her bed and gently snuggle up to her. She opens her eyes and smiles at her daughter, who places her head on her shoulder in a cuddle position. She smoothly strokes her hair, she looks so much like Callie, they both love that she runs her hand in their thick hair, an intense happiness invaded her, she did not feel so, for years, filled with love her family reunited again, but Sofia especially likes to be cajoled in the evening, in the morning she's usually a tornado. Arizona surprised, knowing her daughter's dynamic awakenings, and while passing her hand over her forehead, asks worried

_\- Hey, baby, are you okay? _You're not sick?

_-Mama already asked me. No I'm not sick! _Sofia answers rolling her eyes with an irritated look

_-Okayy!_ _ You are delicious this morning, do you want to talk to me about it?_

_-Talk about what?_

_\- About what makes you in a Tyrex mood!_

Arizona tries to amuse her daughter, she punctuates her words with tickles, but all efforts made to improve her daughter's gloom turn out useless. Sofia remains silent. Worried about the child's attitude, she is determined to push a little to encourage the little girl to confide in herself.

_-Sofia! I can see that you have a little spider that __comes to annoy you, in that little head, and you know what I do when that happens to me?_

The little girl shakes her head with a dubious pout

_\- Well to hunt this little spider, I talk about it with a friend or with you if it concerns you. And that, It's magical, because the spider when we talk about her, she becomes very, very shy, so she rewinds her cobweb, she hides and hides again and hop she disappears! Wouldn't you like to tell me about your little spider?_

Sofia shrugging her shoulders

_\- __Mommy I'm not a baby, I can't believe that! Euh... __Who's your friend you're talking to?_

Arizona smiling at her daughter's desire to always be great, strong and willing

_\- It depends, sometimes it's Alex, or Richard, or Miranda or Teddy and often April_

_\- But they're all in Seattle! I love Seattle _She says with a sorry ton and a voice barely audible

Arizona is frightened but doesn't let go of her good mood, she exclaims laughing

_\- Are you kidding me? You hated Seattle, you wanted to come back to New York!_

_-I didn't hate Seattle, I hated that Mama wasn't in Seattle, and I hated New York because you weren't there. But now you've come with me and you don't have friends anymore. _

Arizona understands sorrowfully, what's going on, in this little mind with particularly frowning eyebrows showing a very big concern, really too much big worry,for a little girl of her age who should only think about playing, eating ice cream, singing... She hugs her daughter tighter, she raises her chin, to cross her gaze to be as persuasive as she can be

_-Sofia, I love you. When you were far from me, I missed you terribly. I know it was the same for you, but in Seattle you missed Mama too and you weren't well either. So listen to me, this, will not ever happen again. Never, do you hear me? Because I'm going to stay in New York with you._

A little smile illuminates the child's face

_\- But yesterday on the phone, you told April that you missed her._

_\- April is my friend and I miss her,_ _but no one will ever miss me like you can miss me. You're the most important person in my life. I don't like anywhere you're not, and I can assure you, that from today I'll always go where you're going! Promised _

_\- You promise? I love it so much when the three of us are_

_\- I promise._

Tickling her daughter thinking she was going to finish this conversation for this morning, since it was supposed to be back at night with Callie she adds

_\- You know what? I also love it when the three of us are!_

_-Stop Mommy, stop_

Sofia screams, trying to free herself from her mother's grip who teases her, she wanted all the answers

_-Can Mama be your friend too, the one you talk to when there's the spider?_

_-Of course sweety, my best friend_

_\- So why didn't you talk to Mama before? You weren't very good friends._

Arizona takes a few minutes to digest her daughter's question, she takes a deep breath, her answer having to live up to the intelligence and maturity of her baby who is certainly growing up too fast.

_-Remember the stupid things you used to do when you were in Seattle?_

Sofia lowers her head already regretting having pushed the discussion further and expecting a reprimand

_-Yes mom I'm sorry, I was sad and ..._

Arizona caresses her cheek and interrupts her to reassure her immediately

_"I know,_ _honey_,_ I know I'm not scolding you, baby. I just want you to remember that moment. You were sad and you did stupid things, some really big things. _The little girl nods shyly _. Well, adults also sometimes do_ _stupid things when they are sad. Mama and I were very sad, and we made mistakes that made us even sadder. So we decided to stop talking to each other for a while. _

_-Like when you send me to my room, to calm me down and think about my bad deed_

Arizona can't help but marvel at her little girl's lucidity with a laugh she replies

_-Exactly, we needed to calm down and think about our bad deeds. But now it's over, no more nonsense for the Robbins Sloan Torres family. Deal?_

_-Deal!_

Approved Sofia, clapping in her mother's hand, the happiness invading her face

Callie had followed the exchange from outside the room, she had listened to the two most important people of her life with an immense emotion, appreciating this unfailing tie that united them, which she had undermined by keeping them away for months.

She pulled herself together to take a playful tone, throw herself on the bed and exclaim

_-Deal_ _too!_

Sofia takes a serious, authoritarian look to lecture her.

_\- Mama, listening at doors! it's not nice._

_\- Hey, I wasn't. I was bored alone, in front of my excellent breakfast with pancakes and lots of chocolate chips!_

Sofia doesn't let her finish, gets up, runs to the kitchen screaming letting her mothers laughing

\- _I'm hungry!_

_-Woaw you have _ always _the right arguments_ _up in your sleeve, the tornado is back_ pointed out Arizona by getting up to find her daughter _I'm also extremely interested in this promise of pancakes with lots of chocolate chips._

Callie blocks her passage way, hugs her, and whispers in her ear

_-_ _Did I ever tell you I love you?_

_-Not recently _smiles the blonde

_\- So, I love you. _She kisses her in the _neck. I want you as __best friend_ she kisses her on the cheek, _but also as sexy __mistress _she kisses her lips _and I would have so, so much loved having a mother like you._

Seeing Callie's eyes turn bright at evoking relationships to her own mother, Arizona kisses her in turn and changes conversation.

_-I just said it, you have always the right arguments. Let's join our daughter before she devours all the pancakes and makes herself sick._

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**Thanks for reading. **_It was a little quiet before the storm. Next chapters the roller coaster returns_ _ to finish this part chapter 20_


	18. Chapter 18 Home, children, dogs and even

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

I am sincerely sorry that I was not able to update earlier. Medical worries in my family took up all my time and really I couldn't do better. I'll finish translating this story anyway and I'll try to do it for the best. Thanks for reading yet and the reviews are always welcome.

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**Chapter 18 Home, Children,**** Dogs****,**** and Even Chickens**

The days pass in their pink bubble, Callie and Arizona spin the perfect love, recovering the reflexes of the past, enjoying all these little interactions of daily life that they had missed, also discovering aspects of their personality that had evolved. Throughout their history, they had always loved each other passionately in good and bad times, even when they couldn't stand each other, even when they was mad at each other, deep down they had continued to love each other.

At present, it was even stronger, the fear of being definitively lost, makes them aware of the absolute need to listen to each other. Sometimes we need things to be missing, to measure their real value. They are both determined not to waste this new chance. They build their happiness, moment after moment, step by step, twig by twig as the bird makes its nest. Sofia, meanwhile, is in heaven, to the delight of her mothers she became again this hopping and joyful little girl that she had always been, she just needed her two parents both, and seeing them happy together, could only satisfies her.

Sitting on the couch as Callie tries to put their daughter to sleep with the ritual story of the evening, Arizona is fine-tuning the "Robbins-Herman" center project. It is very ambitious, she wants it, to be a specialized center for women, so that she can live their pregnancy, in peace and security, taking advantage of the most innovative medical methods. She is extremely invested in the safety of women during pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum.

Indeed, among developed countries, U.S.A ranks first in the world in maternal mortality rates. Unfortunately, on several occasions, she made the painful experience of losing a mother ,and had been desperate every time when what should have been the most beautiful moment in a family's life turned into a nightmare.

This will be the "Robbins-Herman Center for Women's Health", where,will be practiced there not only fetal surgery, but also medically assisted procreation, voluntary termination of pregnancy, and above all a rigorous monitoring of women throughout the gestation, regardless of their social level and their ability to pay high medical costs . She is enthusiastic, and wants to share this craze with Callie who literally crashes on the couch by her side.

_\- I thought I was going to collapse __reading!_ _! Seriously I can't take it anymore, "Frozen" in film, in book, in music, in poster, disguise. __It turns into obsession__, we have to stop it, or we're gonna have to pay for therapy for years for her and for me!_

_\- All the kids do that_, _,_ _she will eventually move on, I am sure that one day, you will regret "Frozen"_

Callie more than perplexed raises her eyebrows, with an incredulous smile unable to imagine that she could one day deplore seeing finally disappear from her living room all the Disney panoply_._ Arizona continues to nod formally while joking

_\- Yes, yes I'm sure, especially when she will have her period look grunge or punk or worse gothic look!_

_\- Oh my God stop, stop! Even when she was two years old, we couldn't force her to put on tights when she didn't want to,_ _ I don't even want to think about the next few years!_

Callie's hands covering her eyes in order to chase away the image of her teenage daughter, deliberately changes conversation_._

_\- So you're moving on?_

_\- Yes, look, I would like us, to be able to respond to the different difficulties of women around pregnancy. A child must come into the world in the best conditions for him and his mother. We would have to find patrons to provide care when health insurance doesn't cover them. I would also like us to work with an adoption association. You know, I often think of Sloan and Marc's grandson. Women must be free and choice rather than be subjected to the situation. We really need a team with a psychologist, a full-time obstetrician-gynecologist, a fertility specialist, a fetal surgeon,ME, of course, but as I'm also a pediatric surgeon I will be able to intervene on the baby if necessary after delivery, _she said, a touch of pride on her happy face._ Herman will be in charge of the training, we will be able to open, later on the same model _other _Robbins-Herman centers _across the country_, and thus have a real impact on these dramatic figures. The maternal death rate is not just a private tragedy, it is really a public health disaster, and I believe that it is up to us, doctors, to take up that challenge._

Callie drinking in the words of the passionate woman, impressed as much by the quality of the program as by all her humanity and empathy, she smiles at the happiness that reads on the blonde's blossoming face, at the thought of being able to improve things. She is truly the colonel's daughter of United States Marine Corps, she cares about serving her country, with what she does best: her job as an outstanding surgeon. Arizona couldn't be perfectly happy without her professional life. She remembers that except for the fear of not being up to scratch for Sofia, one of her biggest fears, when she lost her leg was not being able to regain her place in the operating room. She was born to save lives.

_\- Yes you're brilliant, __that sounds really great __ but ... You really think you're going to be able to do anything. I mean we didn't talk about it again but a few days ago you wanted to carry our children, and then there's Sofia._

Arizona suddenly felt that she was projected into the past, in this period, after Callie discovered, she was unable to carry their child, when no solution she proposed seemed to suit her wife. She rejected Arizona's offer to carry their child, she was more than chilly about surrogate mothers. In retrospect, Arizona was convinced ,Callie's unusual hesitations, incessant doubts, objections to everything were nothing but signs of depression. At that time explaining this attitude by the shock of not being able to bear children, this had not really alerted Arizona, and however all of this had ended up in a painful breakup.

Feeling anguish invaded her, she hardly , she is no longer the same, she is no longer the one who carried on her shoulders such guilt, the one who no longer dared to make a decision, no longer dared to fight for what she wanted, no longer even dared to raise the slightest objection.

_\- You're going to tell me again that it is not possible, you're going to start doubting again..._

Callie seeing the mask change on her ex-wife's face already regrets the way the discussion is taking, she immediately interrupts her

_-No, no Arizona, I'm just asking how we're going to do it. You seem to be excited about this center and it's a great project and you're great at wanting to do all this. But I'm afraid we're not going to get it all done. It may be ... rushed, and then three children that's a lot.? Don't you think we got a bit excited?_

Callie feels the blonde's deep exasperation, on the one hand because Arizona Robbins hates cutting people's speech and does it only when she is extremely irritated, on the other hand she sees the small wrinkle above her nose which signals that her eyebrows are frowning, that her brain is functioning at the speed of light and that she is going to embark on a long, very long speech.

_\- Okay Callie don't tell me the same story, I have already heard this one: "We're fragile and we couldn't stand... Bla Bla Bla." Because, last time I should not have even accepted this argument. If we are fragile you don't even talk about having a child. If you don't want kids anymore you say it clearly, if you only want one, you say it too and if it's just that you don't trust me enough and well... _Her voice is shaking a little because of the emotion, the sobbing that she suppresses_... Well that would just be really lame because that would mean that you really didn't understand anything._

She utters her words in apnea, staring at Callie with an assurance that she had not seen her for a long time

_I know, I have sometimes been hesitant in our history but when I took the step, when I signed up, I never left the ship. So I'm here and I want to commit to your side for the rest of my life, because I'm confident. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect either, I certainly haven't always lived up to it, you haven't always been. If we're not able to clean up the slate and start from scratch then it's not even worth it, because we have already done it._

Shocked by the vehemence of the remarks, Callie remains speechless, while Arizona collapses on the couch, realizing that she has given in again to panic and explosion. Right now she has the feeling that their personalities have reversed while Callie seems calmer, soothed, she, on the contrary, jumps into everything impulsively she wants everything and right now, she lives as if she was going to die tomorrow,

_As far as I'm concerned, now my main plan_ _in life is that you are happy, that you and Sofia are happy._

Callie terribly touched, kiss her wildly, also taking advantage of having a chance to stop the verbal marathon. After answering the kiss, Arizona moves away to take the brunette's face in her hands, she guesses that Callie needs reassurance, plunging her gaze into that of the brunette to convince her of her sincerity she adds

_\- We will do it if we both want to, because we are both and our priority will be our family, My priority is our family. If you're okay with that then we'll get there Callie. If it takes longer to finalize the center, I will take more time but I will be there for us, for you, for Sofia and for the bits of cabbage to come. Promised_

_\- Because this is still the decision of a lifetime ..._

_\- Callie, if you have any doubts, if you don't want to, you have to say it, but if you do, please trust me. I want everything with you, the house, the kids, the dogs and even the chickens! I love you Calliope, my life without you, without our family it is not my life._

A long sigh of relief escapes from Callie's lips, she still needed to hear these words

_\- It's that you're so different, you look so sure, I think I have to get used to this Arizona._

She kisses her again, Arizona breaks the hug

_\- No more kissing and hugging! We've got work to do._

_\- What job? _regrets Callie making a pout disappointed at the distance of her partner

_\- We have some medical exams to go throught, before starting the process, and then I brought a list of potential donors, we have to make a choice._

Arizona scrutinizes Callie for a moment before questioning her.

_\- So we do it, you're sure?_

_\- Yes! We're doing it._

They focus on potential donors, but Callie seems less concerned, Arizona feels her distant. She watches her for a moment from the corner of her eye, trying to guess what is going on. She takes a deep breath, while tidying up the files and turns in front of her

_\- Ok Calliope, I think I really caught fire. it doesn't look like me, but I'm so sure that my life is with you, that... Well, whatever, it's obviously not your case, so let's just forget all about it right now, it makes you too uncomfortable._

Callie bewildered, doesn't really grasp what's going on. Does Arizona really mean it's over, that she doesn't believe in it anymore? Is she still changing her mind and running away at the slightest problem?

_\- Me too Arizona, I know that my life is with you, you are the only person who can make me happy..._

_\- All right Callie, we already have a wonderful child. I love you, and even though I can live without you, I live so badly, I don't want it anymore. So if you don't want another child don't talk about it anymore, I don't want it to become a problem between us again._

Callie interrupts her by raising the tone

_\- That's exactly what we must avoid! We can't start over the same way, we can't make the same mistakes again and again_

Feeling that she got carried away, she continues lower

_\- You're not listening to me Arizona. I really want children with you, but we have to function differently if we want it to work, we have to work together. I do not think we can save ourselves the trouble of talking about everything that has hurt us, drawing conclusions, and establishing some rules, so as not to make the same mistakes. We're not gonna to lie to each other, Arizona, we have a real communication problem. Look, you want kids, I want kids and we're going to get into a fight, life isn't going to spare us any more difficult times, so how are we going to get through them if we don't fix these things?_

Arizona puzzled but relieved admits that Callie is not wrong. They have left so many misunderstandings and unspoken ruining their relationship, they have lost control so many times by acting impulsively. She suggests half worried, half sarcastic

_\- Couple therapy? I'm not very fan, last time it didn't end very well, you left me I remind you_

_\- I think we've become mature enough to do it together._

Arizona wriggling her fingers, staring at her knees, reveals in turn a real discomfort. The Latina lays her hands on hers to calm her down, raising her eyes from her knees, she crosses Callie's loving gaze and accepts a painful smile.

_\- Okay, you have an idea to start with?_

_\- I suggest that we think about a few rules separately and then we give ourselves a date and we talk about it_ proposes Callie

_\- __ Okay with the rules approve of Arizona, but talking about the past I don't know … I wouldn't want it to turn into a settling of accounts or a succession of blame_

_\- You're right. So I suggest that we define each one the reasons why we think that we hurt the other, and then we discuss it. Is that okay with you?_

\- _Yeah, I think it could be good. Looks like you've thought about it a lot. _Amazes Arizona putting a brief kiss on the lips of her caring companion

_-It's a method that my __shrink__ used..._

_\- Waouh Calliope Torres went to a shrink, I can't believe it!_ Arizona exclaims smiling, absolutely aghast by the radical change of the brunette who had always resisted this type of approach. Callie a little embarrassed to have let out this detail, pointing out her mistake of leaving everything, and hurting her family, for a so-called happiness that she could not even live, confesses in a low voice

_\- I had to understand why a certain blonde definitely ruined me for love._

Arizona closes her eyes to this revelation, they will actually have to communicate, she, who thought that Callie had stopped loving her and had found the happiness she had not known to bring her

_\- You are not ruined for love, you are definitely_ _ruined for love without me..._

Callie giggles at Arizona's smugness, but nothing pleases her more than her partner's newfound confidence

_\- Hey it's not me who said it, it's you. So, when are we going to do this?_

_\- It's up to you, I would have tended to want to give you time, but it seems that you become, super, super fast _ironic Callie

_\- Hum maybe to love you _replica maliciously Arizona, her face however covering a real anxiety _but there um__ ... I'm gonna need a little time I think_

_"Okay! We've got a little over nine months to get to the point anyway. Why don't we go back to our research on the biological superman in the meantime?_

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**Thank you for reading**


	19. Chapter 19 Effects hormones

**Disclaimer****. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

* * *

Thank you for your kind messages and for your opinions on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one

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**Chapter 19 "The Effects of Hormones"**

Callie goes up to the pediatric ward, looking for Arizona, a coffee in recent days, they barely crossed paths, their schedules have been shifted for two weeks. She finds her in her office, immersed in folders, she doesn't get her nose out for carelessly throwing at her partner

_\- Hi baby how are you?_

_\- The hormones you prescribed me, cause rather surprising effects it's not a legend it's very real._

Arizona responds in a detached and very professional tone

_\- Side effects of ovarian stimulation_

Callie approaching Arizona from behind and surrounding her lovingly whispering in her ear

_\- You might have some time to give me in the on-call, It might help me deal with it_

_\- I would love to , of course but I am overwhelmed, I have to do job interviews non-stop for the center, all morning _

Although disappointed and somewhat offended by the indifference towards her, Callie continues in a way that wants to be playful

_\- Okay!_ _ too bad, you don't know what you're missing out __honey__! Do _ _you at least have time to have lunch with me, __or may be we could skip lunch__?_

_\- Callie, sorry, __I'm not gonna be able to,_ _I really have too much to do!_

_\- Awesome! I thought your job had to come after us, that we were your priority._

The brunette leaves the room, angry, slamming the door, once again frustrated to pass again and always after her partner's job

Arizona, jumping at the noise the sagging shoulders, closes her eyes for a second, the Seattle Callie is back. She can behave like a spoiled child when she doesn't get what she wants as soon as she wants it. No, in fact it's not fair, this isn't even the case, she could have been a person of this kind, who gets everything effortlessly, living superficially in her golden world, without taking a look at the rest of the world. Indeed, she was the heiress of the Torres companies. Carlos, her father is at the head of an international business consortium in various fields. She had grown up in opulence, with a father adulating her, not refusing her anything she desired. Callie Torres didn't fall into this ease, she worked hard to become a renowned surgeon, without any special treatment. What Callie is, she owes it only to herself , to her exceptional intelligence, to her extraordinary generosity, to a relentless effort to make the world a better place, to an admirable determination to repair everything , yet for a reason that Arizona never understood considering all of this, she presented a mind-boggling lack of confidence, and she found this part of Callie so sweet.

No, Callie is not an anger ball because she is a spoiled child, she is irascible because she is Calliope, her passionate, fearless Calliope not enduring injustice, a wonderful being ... and apparently severely shaken by hormone treatment. Arizona dreamy, smiling at the thought of the beautiful woman who occupies her mind days and nights, shakes her head to get out of the dream. Sorry for Callie's bad mood, she sends her a message.

_**"I miss you too! Just a little more patience. I'll be happy to take care of your hormones tonight. Promised. I love you, I love you, I love**_ _** you "**__**A**_

"Sorry, I got carried away, work well! I love you too. Proposal accepted for tonight! " C

Reassured that Callie feels better , she smiles at the answer, looks away from her phone to focus on her work, appearing however concerned. Throughout the morning she has to arrange a succession of appointments in order to gather the necessary staff for the proper functioning of the center. She would like to finalize everything before starting the I.V.F. and before Herman's arrival.

The timing is tight, because first there is Callie's process, after ovarian stimulation and the triggering ovulation, there's gonna be egg harvesting, fertilization, and freezing because of course the cycle of the two women not being synchronized the re implantation of an embryo of the brunette and an embryo of the blonde will take place, when Arizona has in turn followed the same process. Again and always a fan of hyper control, she has worked hard in recent weeks to make everything perfect, to avoid any possibility of a professional hiccup.

She obviously also checked all the tests and treatment given to her girlfriend, in order to ensure the chances of having a happy event soon, and it is true that she had somewhat abandoned the "family daily" part. She makes a mental note, not to be swallowed by work.

Arizona is a different person, grow up in a small close-up family, she was raised , by a Father Colonel and was accustomed to putting the notion of duty and work first. Even if she came from a less well-off background than Callie's, she was a spoiled child because everything was always easy for her. She had always been intellectually brilliant, nature had also endowed her with a breathtaking physique, with beautiful eyes, a smile and dimples that made her both hyper sexy and charming and very very attractive. Even her sexual orientation had not been a big problem, she had been easily accepted by her family and that's just what mattered. She was always joyful in temperament, with a touch of self-centeredness, and until she met Callie she had largely taken advantage of her seductive abilities without worrying too much about what revolved around her. But if life had spared her all her childhood until her life as a young adult, she had gone wild against her afterwards, and Arizona hadn't been ready to handle so much adversity. Fortunately she had met on her way Calliope Torres who had long been by her side to help her endure so much pain. Callie had been at the origin of her greatest moments of happiness and her greatest moments of despair, but they had gone through them to find again each other and they were there, together and that's all that mattered. The brunette in the grip of hormones, the blonde in the grip of anguish that if everything is not perfect, something could go wrong

At 12:30 p.m. as she prepares to leave the hospital, she looks like an inmate on the run, checking discreetly, if the lane is clear before exiting the elevator, or at the crossroads of the hallways . She walks through the doors of the hospital exhaling a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and goes to a restaurant near Mount Sinaï Hospital so as not to disturb her schedule too much.

Intrigued by the meeting, she pushes the door of the establishment seeing her appointment already sitting at table

_\- Hey Arizona still so sexy! You're okay?_

It's a big start, thought Arizona. She had preferred not to tell anything to Callie about this meeting, certainly avoiding a thousand questions, anyway there was nothing to say. She just listened, and then, she went back to her perfect life, with Callie, Sofia and the hospital, end point.

_\- Great! And what brings you to New York?_

_\- The job_

_\- The job? _Arizona is hallucinating, she's thinking at a lightning speed. No, no, no she's not going to work in the same hospital as Callie and I. I don't want any complications. It can't be that! there are other hospitals in New York, many other hospitals.

_\- You're going to work in New York, but in which hospital? _she asks her to look as little involved as possible

_\- Actually I want to apply for the Robbins-Herman Center, and I wanted to get your "unofficial" opinion before making an "official!" appointment with you._

\- Wow! She expected anything but certainly not this perspective, she had not envisaged for a second that by publishing a job advertisement she would face this situation.

_\- Uh, I can't stop you from applying, but I don't hide that from you..._

_\- Good appetite Dr. Robbins_

Arizona bemused, raises her head to the voice that she recognized perfectly. That's all that was missing, she also perfectly recognizes this expression on Callie's face. What will happen next, will approach the apocalypse, she is absolutely convinced of it. Petrified, trying to swallow the ball that forms in her throat, she watched the exchange

_\- I don't have the pleasure of knowing you_ Callie addresses the person who stands in front of her girlfriend voluntarily ignoring Arizona

_\- Dr. Carina Deluca Obstetrician Gynecologist specializing in female and male orgasm, but I confess , I have a preference for female orgasm._

Faced with this deliberate provocation from her ex, who also recognized Callie as seeing the number of pictures of "Sofia's other mother", which were on the walls of the Arizona's home in Seattle, Arizona opened bewildered, eyes. She's been swallowing hard considering the pill's gonna be hard for Callie to swallow too . Her mental state is approaching dissolution, if she had been able to teleport to another planet and avoid being in the middle of what appears to be a new storm, she would have done so immediately. How was she going to explain to Callie? If so much so that the angry Latina lets her explain herself. She, who did not want any complications, really it was successful! She had put herself in an inextricable situation again.

On the other hand Callie, after having processing all that, without letting anything appear of the boiling that settled in her, doesn't disassemble, she questions Carina staring at her brazenly.

_\- Hum very interesting. Do you take human guinea pigs for __your tests__? __I could volunteer__, apparently my girlfriend is ... Uh, very busy, __I am rather neglected__._

She doesn't wait for the answer and leaves the women with speechless. Arizona knows Callie too well, she knows full well that irony precedes the explosion and that, it's only one step back to better jump . She gets up hurriedly, determined not to let the situation rot, and takes leave of Carina who tries a useless

_\- What about my appointment?_

_\- I don't know! That's the least of my worries right now. I'll call you later_.

She tries to phone Callie obviously her call falls directly on voice mail, she sends a text message

_**"Calliope, whatever you think, you're wrong, let me explain, tell me where you are, I'll join you"**_

Obviously her calls remain deaf, testifying to wrath of the Latina. She'll comb the hospital if she has to, but she's gonna find her, she must find her . Freaked out, she's going around the orthopedic department, no one saw her, she's opening all the call rooms, she was nowhere. Arizona is devastated, she imagines Callie, hurt again because of her , because she still misjudged, panicked and didn't take the right decision. Suddenly she remembers, in Seattle, she was hiding in the basement, which is actually where she finds her, sitting on a gurney with her head in her hands.

_\- Calliope you could answer your phone! I was worried._

She takes a tone that is tender and reassuring

_\- I don't know what you're imagining, but I can assure you, there's nothing wrong with that. It's Carina..._

_\- Yes thank you! I know. I think she is the last of your very long list of exes? You didn't feel it necessary to tell me that you had a date with her._

Arizona tries to resume speaking in the face of a Callie obviously very angry and very hurt, she decides to let go the acid remark, it is not that her rather active sexuality bothers her or that she has to justify herself in front of anyone. She'd be pretty proud of it, it tended to reassure her, but face of Callie she wasn't so proud, she knows only too well what is behind these words in Callie's mouth.

_\- Hey, but it wasn't a date! it was..._

_\- I understand that you have no time to eat with me, you reserve your precious time for your ex, apparently orgasm specialist moreover!_

_\- Callie don't, don't do that, you're blinded by jealousy, stop!_

Mad with anger Callie starts screaming now, nothing and no one can stop her.

_\- No, I don't stop , you stop. Why is she in New York? Why are they all in New York, Eliza, Carina, __and by the way, when Boswell gets here she's carpooling with Murphy__ maybe?_

Arizona takes hardly this low blow, she swallows hard, her face reflects not only sadness but also disappointment. She looks at Callie at length with a disillusioned gaze, and then without a word, she turns her heels. She had vowed not to accept this reproach, she will no longer accept it any more, she refuses to live in guilt again.

Callie stays for a long time, alone, sitting on a stretcher in the grip of her thoughts. She tries to calm down, she has gone crazy again, she is jealous and has not given Arizona any chance. She never should have talked about Lauren again, she promised, and at the first opportunity she brings it up again. But what's wrong with her, she's not going to ruin their lives with this old story, she won't let a single misstep, end such a beautiful journey. She realizes that Arizona is forced to hide things from her, so much she must fear her reactions, She picks up her phone and texts

_"_I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have! Could be pretended that these are the effects of hormone? "C

Arizona's response is not long in coming, and leaves no doubt about her decision

_**"You're right to be sorry, I am also, infinitely so, for us and for our daughter. Clearly, you'll never be able to change that, and I never want to have to go through it again. I really thought we were going **__**to get there,**__** apparently I was wrong."**_

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**Thanks for reading.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer. The characters belong to Shonda Rhimes. The various references, quotations used in this document do not belong to me. This work is non-profit just for fun. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion**

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This _is the last chapter for this first part._ Because, life is not a long quiet river, I lack time to ensure a regular update of the second part. I do not personally like to be frustrated too long, so I will publish something that I will have advanced enough to be able to do it regularly at least twice a week.

Thank you for having read and supported me throughout this story that was my first. I really appreciated all your messages and I took great pleasure in writing and even translating ... Thank you, and I hope exchange soon

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**Chapter 20 "Everyone Abandons Me"**

Callie is desperate, Arizona's message is an end of non receipt, it's obvious, she no longer accepts her incessant apologies. She is mechanically going into a store to reduce stress, before returning home, she looks for a way to improve things, how can they love each other passionately and hurt each other so much? She always wanted the happiness of this woman yet she hurt her so much, Arizona loved her, she was sure of it, but she had also destroyed her by betraying her in the worst way. She grabs her phone and as a shipwreck throws a message in the bottle into the sea, she sends:

_**"We can do something wrong, but that doesn't make us a bad person. **_

_**We can make a bad choice, **__**turn around and do better.**_

_**I'm going to turn around, I'm going to do better, I promise! »**_

Tormented by the dispute that has just pitted her against Arizona, she does not notice the unrest that reigns around her. Suddenly, she is gripped by the sound of a gunfight. A young gunman stands in front of the cashier of the shop who took the gun hidden under the counter, trying to defend himself. The latter collapses to the ground, while the thief is hit in the shoulder.

Unable to restrain the doctor's reflex, she immediately approaches the wounded person lying on the ground, immediately applying a compression, while the armed offender, summons her of not moving.

_\- I am a surgeon and you will not __prevent __me from trying to save this man's life and I think it is also in your interest that he does not die._

The armed man agrees that this woman's argument is rather judicious, to be tried for robbery with assault would be less serious than to be tried for murder!

_\- Ok but in this case you have to treat me too_

Callie takes a quick look at the thug's shoulder and retaliates dryly.

_\- Your injury is less serious, I am the doctor, I decide the emergency and you will have to wait._

_\- This woman is a _badass, grumbles the man with the revolver,

_ It's not going to be easy with her, she have to calm down it's still me who's on the right side of the gun._

Meanwhile Callie takes clothes from the store's shelves, rips them to make improvised dressings, she asks for help from other customers, who are also hostages, in order to make cuts. She carelessly throws a piece of tissue towards the scoundrel and orders him to lay it on his wound and press it.

Entering into the apartment Arizona can no longer think about it. Callie's last message echoes in her, she repeated to her word for word, the phrase she herself used when she begged for forgiveness after cheating on her. Today she no longer knows how to interpret her own words. Of course everyone can be wrong, she is well placed to know this, of course everyone makes mistakes and is entitled to a second... third chance even, but it must face the facts, they will not be able to rebuild anything on the ever incandescent ashes of their past mistakes. Callie will remain, her inaccessible star. She wipes away a tear that escaped in spite of herself, at this thought, but that is what she is determined to say to Callie. They must admit it, they have failed again, not knowing how to trust or listen to each other. If she had spoken to Callie all this drama could have been avoided, if Callie had let her explain herself, none of this, would have happened. This has always been their difficulty and it will clearly not going to change.

After giving leave to the baby Sitter of Sofia, she turns on the TV, in order to try to occupy her mind and especially to get Calliope Torres out of it. She zaps from one channel to another without giving he slightest interest to the images that scroll before her eyes, when suddenly the broadcasts are interrupted by a special Flash.

_"New York hostage-taking in a shop, near Mount Sinaï Hospital, police are already on the scene and trying to contact the kidnappers"_

In the store the first emergency actions are carried out but it is necessary to operate. This man is not going to last long, he's already lost a lot of blood. Callie addresses the offender, with her sure and professional voice.

_\- __He needs emergency surgery__, otherwise he will die. You have to let him out, an ambulance is outside. __We need to get him on a stretcher and continuing with the compression points__. I need four people to keep pressing_

She had deliberately exaggerated the number of people needed, so the hostages would also be released

The perpetrator suspecting that things are escaping him, that he is losing control, points the weapon on her head and exclaims

_\- Hey you! Don't try to play it upside down, if he goes out with the 4, you're going to stay with me, you're a doctor I'm going to need you!_

Callie is scared for the first time since the hostage-taking began. Until now she had focused on the care to be given and had not yet considered the danger. Sofia and Arizona's faces impose themselves on her mind. She suddenly thinks it's late and she doesn't have wished her daughter a good night and ARIZONA she's gonna worry, she's gonna think she left her again without a word. She could not die without talking to Arizona, she had so much to tell her, they cannot yet be separated on this misunderstanding…... OH THEN SHE had to prepare cookies for Sofia's school this evening , Arizona still did not know how to make them, she put flour all over the kitchen, she had it all over her face, but the result was still not conclusive. In these moments the details of life scroll up in your mind and suddenly take on enormous importance. Smiling, she remembered the cooking sessions in Arizona, which was Marc's little hand. She ended up loving Marc, they had gathered around Marc's new passion for cooking, and Arizona had supported him, encouraged him and shared it with him. She didn't do it for the sake of cooking she was a good taster but about cook she was more like «What is this delicious taste of burning?». She had really, done it out of love for Callie, she had sacrificed a lot of her own desires out of love for Callie. She had given up her dream of Africa, she had married Callie's dream of having a child, and she had made it her own, she had accepted the co-parenting of three and sharing her life with her wife's ex. She had given a lot to Callie, without speaking of her gaze which had cured Callie of her lack of confidence only because she saw herself great and beautiful in the blue eyes, not to mention the contact of her hand placed on her arm that was enough to soothe her. She had given so much that when she resumed everything after the crash Callie had felt abandoned alone, and despite all her efforts to find her, she had only seen a watered-down version of her wife, and then she cheated on her. It was like her whole world had collapsed, the person she trusted most in her life had just betrayed her. She had never gotten over it really, she had tried, really tried, but it was still there lurking in the shadow of their daily lives, to resurface and prevent them from moving forward serenely

It was a mistake one mistake, it was so little in view of all this moments of love , of respect, of tenderness that they had shared. She had to talk to Arizona, tell her all this and it would be fine, she must get there .They can't live without each other, so they have to do it

Outside, the media cover the case, local radio and T.V. broadcast live events. The police begins the usual summons in the megaphone

_"_ _Give up, you are_ surrounded._ »._

Out of her meditation the robber pushes Callie towards the door always with the gun on her temple.

_\- Ask them for a stretcher, and something to treat me , and tell them that we're going to get the wounded and four hostages out. I want a car parked in the back of the shop and you come with me. Make it clear that if they follow us, if they try __anything,__ they will have your death on their conscience._

Callie in her most assured voice screams through the door

_\- I am Dr. Callie Torres, I am a hostage ... then she __transmits__ very precisely the message dictated by the abductor._

Arizona's stomach falls into her heels, paralyzed in front of the TV, she's stunned, she can't believe it, it's not possible, it can't be Callie she sees live, she's devastated. Panic invades her, tears flow down her face, but what is she doing in this mess? She looks so scared. Her phone keeps ringing, like her, their friends have seen the information and want more details, needless to answer she knows no more than they do.

She has to go there, she can't stay here, powerless to wait, to wait what else? She must be at Callie's side, but Sofia is asleep, she can't wake her, she also has to protect her, it would be such a trauma for the little girl, it is also not possible to leave her alone in the apartment.

Thoughts clash in her head, she must however try to see Callie, she must do something. Arizona forces herself to calm down, she has to be efficient. She calls one of Sofia's baby-Sitter and as soon as she arrives she will go to the place where Callie has to go through hell, again. Her tears flow to this thought, but she chases them out quickly, so she will have to be strong for Callie and Sofia, for her family.

The police accepted all the conditions of the abductor, a few hours later, a stretcher, all the medical equipment as well as the medicines requested by Callie were provided. She will be able to evacuate the cashier and the four other hostages who have not stopped keeping their pressure on the man's body. When they are gone, it'll be just her, one-on-one with the kidnapper. She opens the door to announce the evacuation, the weapon still pointed at her. That's when she hears screams.

_\- Callie, Callie! Let me pass __through__ that's my wife over there! Callie!_

She sees Arizona struggling hard, as the police cordon tries to subdue her. This vision slackens all the courage she's been trying to keep for hours now. She suddenly feels feverish, and if doesn't get out of it and they never get another chance, and Sofia she had already lost her father. Callie is recovering, no it's not an option, her wife is almost immortal, she survived a car accident, a plane crash, she came back after staying for long days in the cold, in the midst of the woods horribly wounded and she even overcame the loss of a limb in record time. She will not, collapse in the face of a small offender who threatens her? with a weapon, despair now gives way for anger. No No, no, no, no, no! they will not have survived everything to end up like this, they will find themselves, they will settle things among themselves, and they will finally have this happiness that is constantly taken away from them as soon as they approach it

_\- Arizona! __She's screaming __to_ reach the blonde despite all the fuss, _Arizona I'm fine, don't worry, if... Take care of Sofia... Please take care of yourself and Sofia! I love you, please believe it, I always loved you._

She is brutally pushed back by the robber.

_\- It's __okay__ you'll talk another day, we'll evacuate them, you heal me and we get rid of this shit_.

_\- And then? _Worries Callie

_\- Then? I do not know, __we'll figure it out as we go__.!__ You shut up and do what I say_

Callie couldn't help noticing that the tone had changed,he was agitated, he panicked she feared that it would degenerate. She would follow him nicely, she had a plan but she had to wait, take no risks. She would have liked to be able to tell Arizona not to try anything She knows only too well the reactions of her little soldier, she had seemed so distraught, she could put herself in danger? But she has no way to reach her. Her cell phone having been confiscated from the first minutes of the hostage situation. She decides to try to establish a relaxed relationship with her kidnapper

_\- _ _What is your name?_

He looks at her with a suspicious air

_\- Just a first name it will be easier_

_\- Brandon_

_\- Well, then Brandon come close for me to do your bandage again before we go. Is it painful?_

_\- It's all right_

He was clearly not used to being cared for and and he is baffled, he was not going to let himself be softened, he knew very well and for a long time, that he should not, nor could trust anyone.

_\- _ _We're leaving now_

_\- Ok Brandon stay calm and they won't do anything_

They entered the car, Callie took the driver's seat, while Brandon, seated on the passenger side, still threatens her with his gun. She drives at a very slow pace, past police officers, firefighters, so that it takes the time to cross the Arizona's ,blue eyes filled with tears their exchange is as deep and intense as if it were the last. As she tries to prolong the moment by looking in the rear view mirror, she sees the woman of her life, literally collapse. Tears escape from the eyes of the Latina.

Brandon blows her with a surprisingly kind tone

_\- If you do what I ask you to do, you'll see her again soon_

_\- Where are we going?_

_\- You don't ask questions! I'll guide you as you go along._

Arizona was taken over into the police hotel to questioned her in order to consider different various leads to identify the hostage-taker. Sitting in the waiting room, she was looking back on that day. She had left Callie on a violent text message, again. She had again become angry, against the one who had taught her everything from love. The only one, whose courage, kindness, generosity, loving protection, had helped her through everything, and even to overcome the fears of such love, the fear of vulnerability, face of the intensity of her feelings. Calliope had given her that strength and she was not going to resist it, because even though things might not always be perfect the journey promised to be beautiful, and whatever it was only at her side, her hand in her hand she wanted to do it

Brandon and Callie ride for about an hour in agonizing silence. Callie carefully obeys Brandon's orders, they finally take a dirt road that ends up in front of an isolated cabin. Callie tried to retain as much detail as possible from the road, but it's really a godforsaken place.

Brandon is apparently suffering more and more, the painkiller he thinks he is taking is a vulgar placebo and therefore has no effectiveness.

On entering the cabin, she discovers a sketchy furniture, a table, a chair and a mattress thrown on the floor, are the only objects in the room, they certainly will not be able to stay long here, Brandon sits on the chair grimacing in pain, Callie questions him.

\- _Is it very painful?_

_\- Yeah it doesn't matter this pill, have you nothing stronger?_

_\- Yes, but it needs not to be afraid with__ shots_

_\- I'm afraid of nothing _

_\- Okay, let me see the wound first and then I give you an intravenous painkiller. It will relieve you quickly._

When Callie had requested necessary medical supplies, she had requested a powerful anesthetic, hoping to put the kidnapper out of harm's way.

The infusion performed, Brandon understands too late what is happening to him and can no longer react, he cannot fight the sleep that takes hold of him and falls asleep immediately. With the pieces of fabric she had taken for the purpose of making bandages. She made ties and firmly trussed Brandon to the posts of the chair with her arms behind her back. He's so young, she looks at him with compassion, how did he get to this point? What could have happened in that boy's life barely out of childhood, to find himself in this situation? To have a gun and practically killed someone for a few dollars. What's wrong in this world? But this was not the time to make feelings. She grabbed the young offender's phone, not knowing what he had done with hers . And shit no network. She plagues

_\- No, couldn't I have any luck once in my life!_

She runs on the way, leaving at high speed, in the opposite direction of the journey they had made a few hours ago by car and finally finds network. She calls the only number she knows by heart, praying for an answer because it is an unknown number.

_\- Hello_

_\- Arizona!_

_\- Oh my God, Calliope my love! Where are you?_ _Are you okay? Are you hurt?_

_\- Arizona please listens to me first, you have to go to the police station_

_\- But I'm already there Callie!_

_\- Ok it's even better! __Put someone on then.__. __I got free, __but they have to locate this phone because I'm in the middle of nowhere __right now_

_\- _ _Okay, I'm putting you through to the chief of police and we're coming to get you_ -

_\- Arizona no, I don't want you putting yourself in danger, stay with our daughter_

Callie was talking in the void , Arizona was already gone. Promising that she would pay the costs, she demanded a helicopter to get to the scene faster, forgetting her phobia of flying, she also claimed a place in it, as a doctor, girlfriend, wife and anything else they'd want as long as they let her get on that damn chopper.

Less than an hour later, she threw herself into Callie's arms, covering her with kisses. She was alive, everything else seemed now to be negligible details.

_\- What about, going to a desert island where there would be no car accident, crash, mad killer in hospitals or robber in shops?_

_-Are You laughing we would be, still able to find ourselves in the middle of Jurassik Park._

They burst out laughing. Arizona huddled in the arms of the woman of her life and whispered to her

_\- I was so scared! Sorry, I should have explained to you about Carina._

Callie puts a kiss on her forehead

_\- No, don't apologize, _ _I'm the__ one asking for forgiveness._ _I'd like to go home and curl up in a ball_

_\- Whatever you want my James Bond Girl__!_

Arriving at the apartment the baby-Sitter is asleep on the couch. For Sofia everything has been transparent, she always sleeps peacefully, unaware her mother's adventures. Both women decide to let everyone rest

Callie runs a bath to relax from all her emotions and relieve stress and fear.

_\- Would you like my the company_ offer her Arizona by entering their bathroom

_\- I'd love to _smiles the exhausted brunette

Arizona slips first into the bathtub and reaches out to Callie inviting her to cuddle up against her to hug her. Measuring the chance to hold her in her arms, she gently cradles her, massaging her head, caressing her hair. Gradually the tensions disappear, she can feel Callie's body relaxing against hers.

_\- I'm always so fine right here, it looks like this place was made for me_

_\- It is, only for you my love and a little for our children _susurre Arizona in her ear

_\- You know, I trust you Arizona, but_...

_\- But ?_

_\- There is something really wrong with my jealousy..._

Arizona tries a comment she knows is risky

_\- Why are you always afraid of being abandoned Calliope?_

Callie answers as if it were obvious, if it flowed effortlessly...

_\- Because __throughout my whole life_, _everyone always, ends up abandoning me: George, Erika, my mother... you . Oh Georges and Erika it wasn't very serious actually, it wasn't really love. But you..._

_\- __I have never abandoned you, Callie, I came back from Africa for you, and since then I have committed myself to a life with you. __Every time we split up, it was you who wished it, never me, and I came back __whenever__ you wanted it because I never, never stopped loving you_! She takes a deep breath to explain once again what life has taken away from her and her way to find herself and be able to find Callie again.

_I once gave up life, which was my life because it could never be the same, but even then, I couldn't give up on you. I couldn't leave you and I was both so terrified but so convinced, that you were going to run, that I was pushing you to do it, and I made stupid huge mistakes, and please believe me I will spend every day of my life regretting it, but I never abandoned you Calliope, never_

She repeats these words, she needs Callie so much to acknowledge that even if she had not been perfect, she had sincerely engaged with her.

Callie remains thoughtful for a moment and then trying to dispel her annoyance, she concedes

_\- Yes it's true! in fact it was only my mother who really abandoned me. But don't you think that's enough? Would you abandon your daughter because these life choices don't suit you?_

With these words all the defenses that Callie has erected for years are collapsing, the tension today has been too high. She bursts into tears, abandons herself against Arizona who holds her in her arms, caresses her hair, kisses her in the neck, saying words of love to relieve her, convinced that the knot of the problem has just been pointed.

That night they made love tenderly, the azure eyes not leaving the ebony-coloured ones, their mouths not separating, they had never attained such communion in their intimacy.

Arizona whispers in Callie's ear, who is already sleeping in her arms.

_\- __For the record,__ I can't __get__ a better specialist in my orgasm than my wife, whom I love more than anything._

Callie smiles, savoring the word she so desperately wanted to hear again in Arizona's mouth, she raises an inquisitive eyebrow

_\- My wife hum?_

_\- Yes, your wife. I'm yours and you're mine Calliope Torres, and nothing and no one can change that._

_\- Arizona? Will you marry me again? _She is stammering timidly

Arizona is not even surprised, deep down, she never stopped being Callie's wife. It's just the right return of things in their place. The last piece of the puzzle.

_\- I'll marry you again, but I warn you this is the last time Torres, _if_ you ever talk about divorce again, I will kick your ass _She jokes.

_\- Okay! Anyway, you've always had a thing for my ass!_

_\- Yes it's a true, but not only do, I love your boobs so much too _Arizona adds with a laugh

Their eyes close but before sinking into a deep sleep Arizona whispers

_\- Callie, we really need to work on our marriage proposals, it's really not very romantic_

_\- At least mine is secure._ _No chance of an accident unless you fall out of bed._

Feigning to push Arizona out of bed while holding her back, she brings the smaller woman back in her arms, delivered with a great weight they fall asleep in each other's arms, a smile illuminating their faces, taking advantage of the lightness of this perfect moment, that life finally offers them.

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**End of the first part. Thanks for reading**


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